Chapter 43: Understanding One Another

 

“Heeey!”

Varhi groaned as his eyes fluttered awake, his body working to become alert again. Nayleen’s voice pierced through his dreamless sleep. With a small grunt of effort, he pulled himself upright in a sit up motion, wincing as his abdominal muscles that were already aching from pain already were not appreciating the movement, but his hands interlaced behind his head were otherwise ‘occupied’ with having provided a pillow for his head as he sat up. The ground and heat had become uncomfortable while he waited up here, so eventually Varhi had taken off his leather armor to cushion his back and head and then the next thing he knew, the lazy afternoon day along with the boredom had caused him to fall into a lazy nap. With how much he had been sleeping lately and what had happened lately, he was surprised he could continue to nap like this, but he supposed he owed it to his fairly carefree attitude and how fast he was recovering.

Nayleen approached him, looking down as she stood and he sat, glazing over his form with a frown. “I don’t think getting a tan is going to hide all of those bruises.” She commented.

Varhi wordlessly glanced down at himself, though it wasn’t a sight he hadn’t seen before by now of course. His body had faded black and blue spots in some areas, or greenish brown in a number of other places for the older bruises he obtained in Karvadean. The big one he got on his left side from that place was fading away finally, but was nearly overlapped by a newer one he obtained on the ship. Still, he merely shrugged at her, though never lifting his gaze to meet her. Instead, he looked out towards the ocean for a brief moment before he spoke. “I suppose the fish is done?”

“No sorry, it’s cooking still. I just came to just check in on you and saw that you were laying down on the ground and got a little concerned for the worst. You're still recovering, y'know.” Nayleen said, then scowled a little at him. “Seriously though? Sleeping right next to a cliff like this? What would happen if you accidentally rolled off or something?”

Varhi shrugged again with a bit of a smirk on his face. “I never move when I sleep.”

“Let me guess; because of your training?” Nayleen asked, her tone a bit dry.

He chuckled. "No, unfortunately. I just never do. Maybe it's because I never dream of anything. Well, there were a couple of exceptions I suppose, but I don’t really recall what they were. Too fuzzy, just like my memories, apparently.” He answered, eyes still gazing to look outwards. It was now early evening. The sky was starting to show hints of warmer hues, though was still primarily dominated by blue. There was probably an hour or so before the sun set below the horizon. Thankfully, the sun was overshadowed by a cloud right now, allowing him to look without having to avoid staring west as it gradually set. “Can you humor me for a bit?” Varhi asked.

“I’m bad at jokes.” Nayleen frowned.

Varhi turned his gaze towards her and cast her an even look. “I meant talk.” He clarified bluntly. “Sairek said you were a better conversationalist at things than he was.”

“Depends on what the topic is about.” Nayleen replied, though she positioned herself to sit down right next to Varhi anyways to his left. He smirked slightly as without any hesitation or fear, she propped her legs over the cliff like he was currently doing now, unlike Sairek who hesitated at first.

“About me.” Varhi answered after a moment’s pause.

Nayleen looked a little confused and she cocked her head at him. “You want to tell me more about yourself?”

“That’s tempting actually. I guess that’s one way to put it, but that’s not what I really meant though. Maybe it would be better if I explained what happened…”



Varhi retold his account of earlier in the morning when he was here with Sairek and all the details for why he was out here, including given Sairek and Cyial some 'alone time'. Nayleen was silent while he explained as Varhi recounted the morning events. When he was finished, she took a moment to think.

“So, you’re hoping that someone, being me, can help you feel something?” She asked.

“Well, it’s a wild shot I suppose, but yeah. The view isn’t pretty enough right now, though.” He snorted.

“Well, I don’t think the view or where you are really matters. Just because it sparked something in you once doesn't mean it needs to be like that again.” Nayleen said. “Why do you say you don’t feel anything anyway?” She asked.

“...Because I don’t…?” Varhi tried, not quite understanding the angle of her question.

“What makes you say that?” Nayleen pressed.

Varhi thinned his lips together. “...Because I don’t.” He repeated, his voice a bit more dry and certain.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I am—Are you making fun of me to try and coax a reaction from me?” Varhi blinked in realization.

Nayleen smiled innocently.

“You’re mean.” Varhi sniffed.

“It’s just hard for me to believe that though, because if you don’t, you act like you do extremely well.” Nayleen said.

“Well, I did practice and read up on it and—” Varhi tried to explain.

“Not that. I mean, when we were getting away from the ship, your reaction and calling out to Jimmy was very animate.” Nayleen pressed. “I swore you were legitimately upset in that moment.”

Varhi froze at that.

“So… if you weren’t upset, why did you have that reaction?” Nayleen pressed, looking at Varhi directly into his violet eyes appraisingly. At least until Varhi looked away slowly back towards the ocean.

“I—uh…” Varhi croaked. There was a pregnant moment of silence between the both of them. Nayleen waited patiently for an explanation. Varhi’s brain was replaying that moment in his head. “I… remember doing that… but I don’t remember feeling anything. I just… kind of reacted to the situation… It's kind of fuzzy.”

“Someone who doesn’t feel anything doesn’t react like that, Varhi. I don’t care if you are the best actor in the world; you can’t replicate the response you had.” Nayleen said, then paused for a moment and cupped a hand under her chin thoughtfully. "Though, now that I think about it, you seem much more responsive to anything negative than positive. Maybe anger comes a little more easily to you, because you are aggressive in nature."

Varhi looked away further from Nayleen uneasily, his expression scrunched in deep thought. “I… don’t understand… Can I just not remember feeling emotions at all?”

“That makes no sense. Varhi, I don’t think the problem is that you can’t feel emotions. I think the problem is that you won’t feel emotions.”

“What? That’s—I’ve been trying to feel things for so long now that I've basically given up on trying until I can learn more about who I am. Why would I intentionally block them out–?” Varhi argued in disbelief.

“I don’t think it’s intentional. Maybe it’s a natural defense reflex for you… so you don’t get hurt.”

Varhi frowned. “I get hurt all the damn time. I’m not afraid of pain.” He protested, gesturing at his body. "I didn't run from this."

“A mental wound can sometimes dig deeper and sharper than any knife.” Nayleen cautioned him.

“Did something happen that was tragic to you?” Varhi asked cautiously.

“No, but isn't it true?”

“Well, I can’t disagree with that. Even Karvadean was enough to get a reaction out of me a couple of times, out of all people...” Varhi grumbled.

Nayleen was silent for a moment. “So you don't remember what emotions feel like at all?”

“I guess I do very vaguely, though I wouldn’t know how to describe them with words, really.” Varhi said.

“Let’s try to describe them with imagery, then. Colors and pictures are often used to describe emotions, right?” Nayleen asked.

“...Nayleen? I don’t know my exact age, but I know for certain that I am older than three years old.” Varhi frowned. “Happy? Sunny. Sad? Rainy. Angry? My great sword will do the talking.”

She smiled at him. “Hmm, I guess if you read those books it wouldn’t be fair anyway.”

“W-What do you mean 'wouldn’t be fair?' This isn’t a game.”

“We could make it one!”

“No thanks. I'm bored, but not that bored.”

Nayleen reached a finger over to flick Varhi’s forehead, but the younger boy wisely leaned backwards towards her right side, avoiding her 'attack'. She gave a shocked expression. “You dodged it!”

Varhi blinked at her slowly as he straightened himself back upright.

“Nobody’s done that before!” She continued.

“Umm…” Varhi was at a loss for words.

“Darn, not even a smile.” Nayleen pouted.

“Is confusion an emotion…?” Varhi grumbled, then flexed his body in reflex as Nayleen moved her flicking finger to be a poking finger instead, into his shoulder. “Ow! Dammit, why the heck are you people even more violent than I am? I swear…” He mumbled as he rubbed at where he had been poked. It didn't really hurt, he was just overeacting, he had to admit. But damn they really were quite viscious...

“Hmm… Wait! I just got an idea! Can you wait here? I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Nayleen asked.

“Go ahead.” Varhi said, moving to lay back on the ground, once more interlacing his hands behind his head casually.

“Cool, be right back!” Nayleen yipped, pushing herself upright and then almost frolicking back towards the camp. Varhi craned his head to watch her, a raised eyebrow on his features, but he eventually rolled his head to look back upwards in the direction of the sky and closed his eyes again, letting his mind wander to nothing and yet everything.

About ten minutes later, he heard footsteps behind himself but he didn’t open his eyes yet to look, letting them approach closer. He heard Nayleen let out a soft grunt of effort as she plopped down a little further back beside him than she had before. Finally opening his eyes, he turned his head to look and sat upright immediately. “What the—why did you haul my sword all the way out here?”

“Let’s talk about great swords.” Nayleen said.

“Really!?” Varhi asked excitedly, turning around to face her in eager anticipation.

“No, not really. We’re still talking about you.”

“...Oh.” Varhi visibly wilted in disappointment.

“Aaand right there.” Nayleen said, snapping her fingers and pressing a finger into Varhi’s bare chest. “That reaction. That was clearly excitement, followed by disappointment. Did you feel anything?”

Varhi opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Again—he had reacted really without thinking... “U-Um… I don’t—”

“That’s proof that you can feel, Varhi. You just need to allow yourself to.” Nayleen said.

“I… don’t know how I apparently ‘allow’ myself to ‘feel’ anything…” Varhi said a little tensely, clenching his teeth together and moving his left hand to grip the top of his head. “...What’s wrong with me…? I haven’t been cursed… have I?”

“Well, did you actually check if you’ve been cursed?” Nayleen asked.

“...Erm…” Varhi paused, pulling his hand back off of his head, then looking away. “...N...No?”

Nayleen frowned. “Uh… why not?”

“Because I hate magic!” Varhi pouted. “The last thing I want is some stubborn magical so-called 'doctor' to go poking and prodding at my body with clairvoyance spells and the like and with weird magical tools!” He replied defensively, then grumbled as he added; "...Also it's expensive."

“Oh come on~~ I’m about as magical as a rock, but even I know not everything magic is bad.” Nayleen grinned. “Sairek is pretty chill and Cyial is even more chill as long as you don’t apparently call him short, as you’ve found out.”

Varhi winced at that last bit. “I’m a fighter, it’s natural for me to be very wary of magic. It’s basically my biggest weakness. A foe that can attack and manipulate me from far away is not something to take lightly and because I’m about as ‘magical as a rock’ as you aptly put it, if my ‘doctor’ was doing nefarious stuff to me, I would be powerless to stop them.”

“Well, what if we got someone you could trust?” Nayleen asked.

“Like who? I don’t know anyone.”

“...Well… Sairek’s teacher is even more chill—as long as you don’t make a mess of his house. He would probably do it for free as long as I gave him a home cooked meal.”

“...The way Sairek described him, he sounded like a strict asshole.” Varhi said. “Though, a good one.”

“Sairek is just biased, that’s all.” Nayleen sniffed.

Varhi could honestly see that, from what he knew of Sairek anyway. He exhaled a breath slowly. “I’ll… think about it.”

“Cool. Now can I ask you a question?”

“You’ve literally asked me dozens at this point, Nayleen.”

“Well, this isn’t really related to anything else.”

“Okay then, what is it?”

“When are you going to put on a shirt?”

Varhi looked down at himself then back at her with a little bit of surprise. “What? It’s hot today and having my armor on makes the bruises hurt more. I’m not annoying you like I did Cyial by being like this, am I?”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind at all.”

“Why even ask at all, then? I’m not ugly or something, am I?” Varhi asked with a frown.

“You look fine—well, you don’t look fine, you look like you’re hurt, but—well, you know what I mean.” Nayleen tripped over her words.

“I... don’t, actually.” Varhi continued to frown.

Nayleen paused for a moment to reorganize her thoughts. “I’m saying you’re a good looking boy. Cute and handsome at the same time.”

“Oh, I see. So I’m a positive image.” Varhi replied.

“You’re not trying to tease me to get back at me, are you?” Nayleen asked with a touch of concern in her voice.

“No. In Karvadean, Cyial told me that you liked me a lot. So I was just asking, that's all, since I don’t… really know why you do. Everyone else usually hates me or just tolerates me.” Varhi tried to explain. “Cyial himself is a good example.”

“Woah, woah, Cyial said what about me now?” Nayleen asked in concern.

Varhi cocked his head to his left side as he looked at her. “Was he wrong?”

“Well—no, but I feel that might be some misguided context, here…” Nayleen mumbled, her face flushing a bit with color.

“Well, now’s your chance to make it clear.” Varhi replied.

“Oh boy…” Nayleen huffed, turning to face away from Varhi and to look at her lap. She took a moment to think, then one deep inhale, and one deep exhale. “Ah, what the heck.” She said out loud afterwards, looking a bit less embarrassed than she did a moment ago. She scooted herself nearer to Varhi to where their legs were touching each other, then she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer into a tight hug.

“H-Hey, wait a minute—” Varhi protested, immediately becoming tense. This was not the response he thought he’d get from her at all. He struggled to pull away meekly. “This is—This is not appropriate…” He stammered. “See, Jimmy said that—”

“Well you listen to me and forget about Jimmy for a minute. I don’t think words would work or would be sufficient, so I will make you feel what I mean. Got it?
"Listen Varhi; people care about you. Sairek and Cyial care. They don't just 'tolerate' you—they care about you; and I’m sure Jimmy cares about you even more... Also I’m uh, I admit that I am crushing on you pretty hard, so I care about you a lot too. So could you please do all four of us a biiiiig favor and stop getting yourself hurt like this all the time and take care of yourself a little more…?”

“I’m—This is weird…” Varhi stammered again, his voice slightly higher pitched than normal as he again attempted to try and pull back away from Nayleen. Nayleen resisted at first, but finally lamented, allowing Varhi to withdraw, fearing she was genuinely making him extremely uncomfortable. Varhi sat back upright, looking down, his left hand holding his chest. “It aches… differently...” He murmured, his voice cracking a little. Nayleen could see that his eyes were a little wet, though, there wasn't enough for tears to form.

“I'm sorry… I didn’t mean to make you feel something unpleasant…” Nayleen apologized sincerely. She gripped her right hand over her left shoulder and massaged it; a nervous gesture. “I’ll try to make you feel something… more nice, next time...”

“Feel something…?” Varhi repeated the words slowly, nearly under his breath, then shook his head a little. “I don’t get it… You guys understand the morality of my job, right…? I’m no hero. There’s nothing heroic about being hired to kill people at times… even if they’re really bad people... Usually, anyway...”

“My family hunts and kills animals as a profession as does yours truly. Is it really that much different?” Nayleen asked. "The animals are probably even more innocent than the people are."

“Well, technically no, but…” Varhi muttered, still pressing his left fist into his chest, he looked away from Nayleen and down at his own lap.

“Do you get joy when you have to kill people?” Nayleen asked.

“No—of course not…!” Varhi exclaimed, taken aback and shooting his gaze back up at her. “I enjoy the thrill of battle because it’s when I feel most alive, but never the killing afterwards… It's quite the opposite actually, because at the conclusion, I feel just as dead on the inside as my opponent probably is...”

“But you enjoy the ‘hunt’ as it were, don’t you?”

“It’s what makes me feel alive the most because it feels like something about me actually matters…” Varhi murmured. "My life is on the line -- whatever that's worth."

“Kind of just like me.” Nayleen smiled sadly. “I enjoy the hunt, but always feel guilty afterwards… but unfortunately, killing is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it.”

“...I didn’t even bat an eyelid on my first kill…” Varhi replied hoarsely. “I was told to use ‘whatever force is deemed necessary’... And the guy wouldn’t surrender, and killed an ally that protected me, so…”

“Let me guess, mage?”

Varhi gave her a sideways look. “Not fair, I told you that story.”

“No you didn’t. You told Sairek.”

“...Oh, right—hey wait a minute…!” Varhi looked at her and frowned. “How long were you eavesdropping that conversation for?”

“Cyial and I were literally gone for like, two minutes to look for those leaves. We barely left earshot.” Nayleen reminded him with a smile, relieved that the tension in the air was already dissipating. “And for Cyial, probably within earshot the entire time.” She added for clarity.

“Ah, right…” Varhi grumbled, rubbing his forehead. “Well, you said talking about myself was tempting earlier, so I guess you would learn sooner or later anyway.”

“Ooh, is that a yes?” Nayleen smiled.

Varhi gave a weak smile back, moving to stand up as he picked up his leather shirt before slinging it to drape over his right shoulder. “Sure… Maybe we should head back for now, though. We can return back here tomorrow night… if you want to, that is.”

Nayleen stood up with him, dusting her bottom off. “Sure! Are you gonna be okay?”

“It will take a little more than questioning my self-worth to keep me down. Thanks, Nayleen.” Varhi said as he turned around to begin walking back.

Nayleen paused for a moment, then frowned. “You shouldn’t be thanking me. You know I was originally against Sairek going to help you, right? Of course, now I’m glad we went, but if I had convinced him and we hadn’t gone, then by now you might be...” She trailed off, starting to follow behind Varhi, carrying his sword carefully in both of her hands.

“Your caution was warranted and justifiable. You were the smart one and to be honest, he still shouldn’t have gone to help me. Though, I’m sure he also has his own motivations... or lack thereof, apparently." Varhi admitted. "However, there’s still the whole problem that we have Masirean’s royal jewel in our possession we have to deal with, the fact that there’s a bunch of gigantic ‘royal jewels’ underneath Karvadean that are causing issues and then finally, the fact that two nations who are supposed to be allies may be engaging in war against each other in the next few days. There’s no hiding from this for us.” Varhi frowned. "It’s not all bad though, I suppose.”

“Really...? What’s the good news, then?” Nayleen asked in surprise.

“Avotash did lie to Sairek’s old man. That makes us and Sairek look good. Ceareste has the right to investigate the obvious claims of what happened that caused the royal jewel to be in the hands of the Prince of Ceareste. Sairek can recount his story and it can be true. Aayron may have the original letter I sent still, I have my story and the original contract still as well, Sairek has his story and arguably a justifiable reason to enter Masirean territory based on the letter sent, Cyial and yourself as well as Jimmy are witnesses to the whole ordeal; two of us are third parties with no ties to Ceareste, and Jimmy is not just a civilian now, but a part of the military of Masirean himself and would testify against the nation which gives him even more credibility. If we tell the truth, it will be clear that Avotash was lying, especially with that initial letter he had me send to Ceareste.
“As far as war may be concerned, Masirean struck first by framing Kior for something they did not do. They may be very suspicious lately—no offense, but such framing would definitely not put them on friendly terms with Masirean, and Malode is neutral on politics as ever, but even they wouldn’t accept that kind of injustice. Malode is probably more ‘for the people’ than the other three countries are. Their leadership even lives in a village with its commoners like regular folk. If it’s going to be a war, it will be a war Masirean cannot afford to have happen. Not until Avotash learns what’s underneath Karvadean, anyway. I’m sure the nations will side with Ceareste on this once everything comes to light and will judge Masirean in the wrong by giving Ceareste suspect information. Only thing we should be concerned about is if the countries don't give a shit or some kind of foul play is going on.”

“So you’re saying that a war is unlikely?” Nayleen asked.

“Well, I wouldn’t say it can’t happen, but if we play our cards right, yeah.” Varhi nodded. “However, there’s still the problem that Sairek did take the Masirean royal jewel. That’s a grave offense. That in itself could be worthy of war..."

“Even though it was effectively in self-defense?” Nayleen asked.

Varhi shook his head. “All we have is witness testimony of that, which isn’t useless but it’s not exactly great either. Also if the true nature of Karvadean comes to light and everyone learns what's underneath there, then that alone could spark its own war between everyone...” Varhi grumbled. "It’s a shame we couldn’t find the bullet casings from the gun, but on Jimmy’s ship moving at that speed, they were probably already in the water and floating in the middle of the ocean almost immediately as soon as Avotash fired his shots… Though it is strange how he has a damn gun in the first place. A pretty good one, at that.”

“Maybe he just bought it.” Nayleen suggested.

“I guess.” Varhi shrugged. “I suppose it’s not like he doesn’t have the money to send some subordinate to purchase one for himself, but last I checked you couldn’t just buy one, but I suppose that may have changed since I was last in Kior. It’s been… a while, and I must admit, my memory isn't exactly the most vivid. It was only after we left and was arriving in Masirean for the first time on Jimmy’s shiny new boat that I ‘woke up’ finally. Anything past then gets foggier and foggier the further back I try to remember. We still had contracts to fill in so we went back there for the last few jobs I told you about, but it’s been nearly a year since then. The technology in Kior has improved surprisingly quickly even for them if that is the case.”

“I’m sure you’ll remember in time. You already made great progress today!” Nayleen cheered, moving to wrap an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into her playfully as they walked.

Varhi smiled a little, though it was unfortunately still an empty smile. “Hopefully... I’ll make good progress tomorrow, too, I’m sure. And hopefully Cyial will be feeling better as well. We could all use a little positivity right now… especially those other two.”

Now arriving back at their camp, the warm glow of the fire as the sun by now was dipping below the horizon looked inviting to Varhi, though the day was still bleeding hot right now to him. Evening air would probably soon solve that though, at least a little bit. As they approached, Varhi could see that rather than opting for the usual spit roast, Nayleen had stuck strips of fish on various sticks like a kebab and stuck them in the sand along the fire to cook them, the distance a bit generous so they’d cook slowly while the meal was unattended with little risk of burning. Varhi glanced and saw that the tent was up, and he realized he forgot to actually help them set it up for the box. Oops.
In fairness, the box wasn’t required. It functioned like a normal tent without the device; it was just easier, and given Cyial’s state, maybe it was best if it had been left to stay up anyways. The demon boy needed a place to rest and a wet boat like he had been laying in for a while probably wasn’t the best place right now.

“I’m gonna go check on them real quick, okay?” Varhi said.

Nayleen released her arm around him and nodded. “I’ll check the fish one last time, but they should be ready very soon. Tell them to come eat if they’re up for it, okay?” Nayleen asked.

“Sure.”

Varhi draped his leather armor over a log that Nayleen most likely had pulled over to place around the fire (there were three in total in a triangle around the fire) and ventured his way to the tent and paused, listening, but heard mostly silence. He tapped the front of the tent to alert them both inside, before slowly unzipping the tent and peering inside.

Sairek was awake and alert, laying on his back, though Cyial seemed to be fast asleep, cuddled up almost in a ball, still dressed and his head laying on Sairek’s chest as a pillow, though immediately, Varhi could see something was not quite right. Sairek looked a little concerned as he looked up at Varhi, though he lifted his right hand and put it to his lips to Varhi in a motion to be quiet.

“Is everything okay...?” Varhi asked in a whisper.

Sairek shook his head, then looked down at Cyial for a second, then back up at Varhi. Gently, he shimmied himself out from underneath Cyial, with almost practiced movements Varhi noticed. Sairek probably had to do this many times by now, though the enclosed space of the tent made it more difficult than normal. Still, Cyial was so out of it, that he still didn’t stir as Sairek gently lay Cyial’s head down, and slowly crawled himself out of the tent to stand with Varhi, though keeping most of his weight off of his one leg. Slowly, Sairek zipped the tent back up and then gestured away from the tent. Varhi held Sairek to help him walk as the Prince hobbled away from the tent until they were about twenty feet away.

“I think Cyial is getting... 'sick'.” Sairek answered finally, concern etched in his voice.
 
“I’m not surprised, to be honest. How much did he tell you?”

“...Tell me what?” Sairek questioned.

“About himself.” Varhi iterated.

“Um… how much do you know…?” Sairek asked cautiously.

“More than he told you initially before he told me.” Varhi answered. "According to his own wording, anyway."

Sairek blushed a little and froze in thought.

Varhi rolled his eyes. “Lands, like I am capable of caring. Honestly, what is it with you people getting so embarrassed at every little thing? Do what you want with each other, I don't care. Can you just please tell me what he told you so we can help him? It’s not difficult.” The older boy scolded, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Sorry, I—sorry…” Sairek apologized, looking down. “He… needs to eat. A lot… He’s got nothing left in him, but he still refuses to… um… He refuses to do nothing more than 'nibble'...”

“Ugghhh… do emotions always make things more complicated…?” Varhi grumbled, raising a hand to his forehead and rubbing it slowly with his fingers. “I even purposely pulled Nayleen away from the camp to give you two a period of peace.”

“Huh…?”

“What? You told me to talk to Nayleen last night. Remember? She actually succeeded a little—for a brief moment, I think… but anyway, if he’s too scared to eat off of you, why doesn’t he do it with someone else? Heck, he can do it to me. I can probably handle it. It certainly can't be any damn worse than the past two and a half weeks.”

“I asked, but he never answered. He was pretty incoherent, mostly just silently crying. Cyial,  he… he despises what he is. Submitting to what he is and doing it probably hurts him even more than starving in his mind, I think...” Sairek explained.

"Mental wounds cut sharper than any knife indeed, if that was the case," Varhi thought to himself. Except, perhaps it was even worse, since Cyial himself was the one that was lacerating himself with the mental wounds. “So you’re saying he’s so depressed and ashamed of himself, and so against feeding off of anyone, but especially you, that he would rather die slowly from starvation than just eat...?” Varhi asked slowly.

Sairek looked very uncomfortable given that definition. He didn't nod or anything, but from his expression, Varhi knew that was Sairek's fear and concern.

“Look, you know he needs to eat, Sairek. If he doesn’t, one of two things are going to happen and neither of them are good. Either his hunger controls him and he goes insane—or he doesn’t and well, starvation leads to a slow, painful death.” Varhi reminded him. “Ugh… we need to recover and get out of here...”

“I don’t know what to do…” Sairek hissed, shaking his head.

Varhi paused for a moment looking down at his feet in thought, then coming to a conclusion, raised his head to look into Sairek’s eyes. “Take the initiative.”

“Huh?”

“If he won’t eat and that will make him feel better, then make him eat.” Varhi answered simply. “Entice him, and if that doesn't work, then make him.”

“How in the Flaming Lands do I do that—?”

“By taking initiative like I said.” Varhi answered dryly. “He’s told me you guys have done little ‘drip feeds’ before. Who started those?”

“...Cyial’s done all the work. I’ve just… um…”

“You just sat there and let him, right?”

“...Yeah. Let’s go with that description...” Sairek mumbled, face flushed.

“You know how to start it, right?”

“...Yes… Cyial, um... taught me…” Sairek grumbled, burying his face into his hand in embarrassment.

“There you go. Try it and see what happens. I’ll give you both the tent for the night, since you're being an embarassed pansy about it.”

“A-Am I seriously going to have to do this…?”

“Yggdrasil, give me strength—Look, you know how he eats better than even I do. You know what needs to be done. As far as I see it, it’s harder to resist food when you’re hungry when it’s right in front of your face. Believe me, I unfortunately know from experience.” Varhi grumbled bitterly. “Though, if you’re uncomfortable, I guess I could always stay with him instead. I haven’t done that stuff before though and Cyial was very vague on describing it, so I’d have to ask you to show me how instead.” Varhi offered.

“That’s even worse!” Sairek exclaimed.

Varhi rolled his eyes once more, then sent a glare of disapproval at Sairek. “You know, I think you are actually beginning to annoy me. Look, are you going to do this or not?”

“I’ll do it…” Sairek grumbled.

“Good. Dinner should be ready, by the way. Nayleen and I will be busy most of the night turning the fish bones into a suitable hook probably, so you guys will have some more private time. I’ll explain the situation to her. We’ll sleep a little further away than usual. At this rate, your face is going to be redder than a tomato.”

“Do… you have to explain it to her in such detail…?” Sairek mumbled.

“Her friend is not doing so well. I think she deserves to know why and what will make him better.” Varhi answered with a dry tone of voice. “You may be romantically involved with Cyial or whatever, but he still has other people that care about him and even though I get the impression that he mostly just tolerates me at best, I still see him as a comrade right now either way, which means I will do what needs doing to make sure he get healthy again and if I can’t do that specifically, then I will make sure whoever can help him, will help him." Varhi stated, curling his fingers so his index pointed and pressed it repeatedly into Sairek's chest. "Do you understand, Mister Prince?”

“I understand…” Sairek mumbled once more, swatting Varhi's hand away half-heartedly. “It’s just… not easy for me… after what happened before… I—” Sairek paused.

Varhi sighed, his tension on Sairek easing a little, now realizing why Sairek was being so difficult with this. “Look, Cyial told me a little bit about that. Not details or specifics, but I get it; a scary and awful thing happened to you and you’re afraid that your friend may do the same thing to repeat the nightmare which is making you reluctant. But Cyial isn’t that from what I've seen. The evidence that he isn’t what you fear is literally right in front of you, Sairek. Your... boyfriend is literally starving himself to death because he knows you're scared. You may not be doing it on purpose, and it's not even your fault, but what kind of message do you think that sends to him, Sairek?
“Relationships are built on trust. I trust that my teammates—including you guys, that they won’t stab me in the back while I’m asleep. That kind of shit has happened on jobs before and I’m always wary of it, but that doesn’t mean I just never sleep. My comrades who are working with me rely on me to sleep and be in peak condition.
“Similarly, Cyial needs to rely on you to be there for him when he needs to feed if you are seriously going to be in a relationship with him. Forget about what happened before, forget about what society thinks, forget about the taboo nature of it all. All of that is in the past and the future. The reality is now, and right now none of that matters. Right now your partner needs you, Sairek, and I would like to believe that is more important to you than any rules or social standing. Besides, you’ve both already done whatever is taboo in the first place, so it’s not like you initiating it this time is going to change anything anyway. You've already committed to jumping into the frying pan, there's no jumping back out. You may as well do what you can to make the best of it.”

Sairek was silent in response, though clearly listening intently. Varhi moved to hold Sairek with one arm, much like Nayleen had done with him minutes earlier. “Come on, let’s go eat. Regardless of what you do, you won’t be able to be there for Cyial if you don’t keep your own strength up. Based on what Cyial told me, you’ll need to be strong and healthy to help him in return.”

Sairek wordlessly nodded slowly, allowing Varhi to guide him towards the campfire where Nayleen watched them approach.

“Everything okay?” She asked, a frown of concern showing on her features.

Varhi explained the situation to her, though he spared the more explicit details for Sairek’s apparent sake, though judging from her expression, she already knew what that meant, or at least had a good inkling of an idea; more than even he himself did, if he were to wager a guess. Truly, she was much more perceptive than Sairek was giving her credit for. Sairek for his part, didn’t speak, merely looking away as Varhi spoke, both in embarrassment and in shame. He was hardly touching his fish.

Nayleen set aside some fish for Cyial anyways. While human food was more a luxury than a requirement, it might at least make him feel a little better. Worst case scenario, if he absolutely refused to eat it, Sairek could probably still use the extra food anyway, Varhi reasoned.

They were finished eating with Sairek being dead last despite how hungry he clearly had been but any appetite was lost as his mind was clearly full of many thoughts and concerns, Varhi practically pushed the Prince to go to the tent to 'sleep', reassuring him that he would be okay with sleeping outside for the night.



“Where’s the boat, anyway?” Varhi asked after he returned to Nayleen. “I don’t see it anywhere.”

“I moved it to another place. I sort of transformed it into a place to dry Sairek’s clothes from the blood so he can actually wear them again. That jewel of his works best the closer it is to him.” She said, pointing behind a place where there was a boulder in front of the cliff face of the beach they were on. "Speaking of which, I should do that for your armor too... they still got vomit on them."

“Won’t the clothes find it hard to get wind to dry there?” Varhi asked.

“Sure, but much less visible. His clothes are kind of bright and stick out. Especially that cape…” Nayleen replied. “Yours is a bit more 'blendy', with it being fairly dark and all. Besides, I’d like to think by the morning they’d be dry regardless, wind or no wind. The wound is starting to close up now and he’s not leaking any blood anymore. Which is good because we ran out of green herbs to use as bandages this morning.”

“We’ll never get out of here if I can’t get a good catch of fish tomorrow.” Varhi grumbled. “Traveling without food is suicide, especially when this part of Masirean is quite infested with monsters. Craven and Crowernbats infest these parts of the country like mosquitoes. Within ten seconds we could be walking just dandy and the next ten we could all be getting carried off to their nests if we’re not careful. That monastery isn’t far and will do for shelter for now, especially against them, but I don’t think it’s going to hold much food except berries and the like. It's also near the road, so we'll need to be careful to lay low.”

“Well, we could always hunt those monsters. If we took one down, that would be enough meat to feed us for a while…” Nayleen began.

“Don’t underestimate them.” Varhi warned her. “I don’t know what monsters are like in Ceareste, I didn't even encounter a single one on the road—which is good for Ceareste for keeping the countryside clean I guess, but those bats are viscous here."

"There's no other alternatives? No other animal to hunt at all around here? It's the plains, there's gotta be something." Nayleen refuted.

"The bats carried them all off to their nests." Varhi answered.

"...Even cows and horses?"

"Even cows and horses. And deer. And wolves. And bears."

"...Oh." Nayleen let out, starting to look like she was beginning to see the problem the bats truly were.

"It was a struggle to handle a small pack of them when I was in tip top shape. I don’t know if I could even deal with one the way I am right now, even with the rest of you all as back up. We’re all hurting one way or another.”

“Well… Sairek and Cyial are doing their… thing. So what now?”

“I don’t know. Should I check on them?” Varhi asked.

“No no, don’t do that.” Nayleen interjected quickly. “Sairek would freak if you did that.”

“I still don’t really understand what the big deal is.” Varhi frowned.

“It’s an intimate act.”

“So? Don’t people do that in public anyway?”

“No, not that one. What they’re doing is about the most intimate thing there is.” Nayleen tried to explain to him.

“Sorry, I still don’t follow.”

Nayleen frowned. “What do you even know of the subject?”

Varhi shrugged. “Relationships never really were a part of my job. Not that kind of relationship, anyway. It’s just… more simple that way. Besides, it’s not like anyone could really think of me that way. I’m a jerk, don’t have much personality going for me and I can’t even feel back for anyone properly.”

“...Well, I’m willing to try.” Nayleen answered quietly. Then cleared her throat. “Also, I can tell you have no idea what I’m talking about, either.”

Varhi shook his head a little bit. “I still don’t know what you see in me that’s special.”

“Who knows? Maybe I’m a masochist like you are.” Nayleen teased.

“I don’t go looking for trouble on purpose! Well—” Varhi stammered a bit but no further words came out except incoherent babble. He needed to pause for a moment to reorganize his thoughts. “I don’t intend to get in trouble on purpose...” He corrected himself. “If things had gone as planned, I would be in Kior right now wandering around the city.”

“So would we. Well, probably. Sairek says he wants to go to Yggdrasil but I think right now he prioritizes Cyial’s condition a little more. I guess you wouldn’t know of a mixture to help “feed” demons by any chance, would you?” Nayleen asked.

Varhi blinked. “Oh, you mean the void mixtures?”

Nayleen blinked at him once. “The… The what now?”

“Well, I guess they’re labeled as a 'potion' but it’s a bunch of black magic in a bottle of water—water from the Underworld, that is. It’s highly illegal stuff—outside of Kior anyway; but you know my job. Jimmy and I worked for a while in Kior to pay off the rest of the loans on that damn ship of his, you know. Masirean’s jobs don’t pay enough most of the time.”

“So these “demon potions” exist? They’re not just a rumor?” Nayleen asked.

“They’re more than a rumor. There’s a whole black market for those things.” Varhi said.

Nayleen clapped her hands with a wide smile on her face. “Oh, Cyial is going to be so happy to hear that!” She said, suddenly standing up and bounding off towards the tent.

“Uh, Nayleen? Didn’t you say they’re doing something—” Varhi tried, but Nayleen was already at the tent.

“Guys, good news!” Nayleen chirped as she boldly unzipped the tent, which Varhi could hear where he sat.

Predictably, Sairek yelled out in terrified horror. “Nayleen!” His voice was a few octaves higher pitched than normal, nearly a squeak. The movements of the form of the tent suggested a lot of frantic scrambling. Then Varhi heard: “Get out!!” From Sairek.

“...intimate…” Varhi finally finished with a sigh, lowering his head and shaking it.

* * *

“Oh relax~! If it makes you feel any better, I’ve seen plenty of animal jewels before. So seeing a tent like that is nothing, really~” Nayleen tried to console Sairek as the four of them sat by the fire, Cyial rubbing Sairek’s back and Varhi giving Sairek’s shoulder on the opposite end a reassuring squeeze.

“It doesn’t make me feel any better at all…!” Sairek glared at her, face flushed. He had his legs tightly closed with his arms wrapped tightly around his lower waist protectively. “And besides, I’m not an animal…!”

“Did you at least get to finish?” Varhi asked.

Sairek jerked his shoulder away from Varhi and glared at him. “I’m not telling you that!” He exclaimed, his face burning brighter.

“Well, Cyial seems to be calmer now so—” Nayleen started.

“You keep your damn commentary to yourself!!” Sairek interrupted her. “And right after Varhi told me to take initiative, too…!”

“Oi, don’t blame this on me. I tried to stop her.” Varhi defended himself.

“Varhi told you to what...?" Cyial began, "Err, I mean, Sairek, it’s okay, calm down…” He tried to console him, still rubbing his back gently, then he sighed as he turned his head towards Nayleen. “Actually… I’m kind of relieved… In the back of my mind I was still afraid all of you would hate me for…” He trailed off.

Nayleen shook her head at him. “Cyial, I’m not going to hate you for being what you are. Just take it easy on Sairek, yeah? He gets easily excited, apparently.”

“GRAHHH–! Stop it! You’re so irredeemable!!” Sairek whined at her.

Nayleen stepped up towards Sairek and knelt in front of him, putting her hands on his shoulders. “I’m just joking. Seriously, I’m very sorry. You know me; I get excited at times and then forget details. Will you forgive me?”

Sairek stared at her face for a moment, then grumbled out a “Fine…”

“Thanks Sai, you’re the best~” Nayleen smiled sweetly and gave him a gentle pat on the top of the head, which didn’t seem to improve Sairek’s mood. It seemed to actually only make him look a little bit more irritated, but he didn’t say anything. “Anyways, yeah, there’s a thing in Kior Cyial can ingest that will give him black magic directly and it definitely exists, according to Varhi.”

“...Great…” Sairek grumbled, needing to take a moment and a big exhale to adjust his mood as Nayleen returned back to her seat on her own log across the three boys. “...but if it’s in the black market, I would assume you would need more than just money to acquire it...”

“That’s correct,” Varhi answered, moving to shift his position back to his own log and give Sairek some space, “though I do have some old business contacts that could get me the stuff—probably. We would of course need to get to Kior in the first place and well…” He gestured with his arms around them. “I would consider it as repaying one of my favors you are owed, but as you hinted at, yes, it would still require money, but being a Prince I’m sure that’s not much of a problem for you.”

“So you even know where to get this stuff?” Sairek asked.

Varhi shrugged. “Well, in a manner of speaking, sure. It’s more like I know a few guys, who knows a few guys, who knows a few other guys. I don’t know where the first few guys are though; I’d need to find them first, which would take a bit of time. This won’t be instant, I hope you know. This stuff is highly sought after and there’s not a lot of it. It may take a long time to procure, but I’m certain I can get my hands on it sooner or later.”

“How do they even make this stuff?” Nayleen asked.

“From what I understand, they don’t. These vials are smuggled out of the Underworld.” Varhi answered.

“Wait, what?” Sairek and Nayleen both asked in unison.

Cyial, though not exclaiming in surprise, blinked in confusion before speaking more calmly, though a small tremble was still in his voice. “Are you... suggesting what I think you are…?”

“Am I?” Varhi pushed.

Cyial’s face shifted its expression into deeper confusion. “But… why? That means demons are… intentionally getting banished to smuggle vials of black magic into the Overworld when it’s a one-way trip here...!”

“Yup.” Varhi nodded.

“That makes no sense…!” Cyial exclaimed.

Varhi upturned his palms towards the sky as he shrugged his shoulders. “From what I understand, the Underworld for the demons isn’t exactly great right now. Resources are very, very thin, so some demons may try to commit a crime to better their state of personal life since they feel like they have nothing left to lose. Often they get caught, but smuggle the black magic over in their banishment to start a new life over here. They sell the black magic to less fortunate and desperate demons that have been here for a while which helps them avoid the life of slavery in Kior, and with that much amount of money, they can live pretty over here in the city in their own low-class dwelling for a very long time, avoiding having to work for below minimum wage.”

“That’s insane…” Sairek whispered.

Varhi chuckled. “The Underworld won’t care for a tiny insignificant vial of black magic being pulled over into the Overworld and with the lack of resources, having an excuse to lower the population some and simultaneously get rid of a few 'bad acting' demons is probably a good thing for them. and Kior won’t do anything to stop it because, well, why would they? It’s good for business. It’s free citizens they can control very easily and that are 'willingly' coming to live in their doorsteps. It causes the other demons to work even harder for that sweet, sweet seru so that they can get their next fix, and the more demons there are, the more demand there will be for the 'product'.
"Also, because the ‘product’ is coming from a literal different realm, it’s not like people can go and steal a supply of it or something or manufacture it here themselves so it ensures an extremely high demand with very little supply. Demons who manage to get their hands on a purchase would consume that stuff right away most likely, so it’s not like you can mug them for it off of their person and any demon who drank that stuff is going to be much more powerful for a while as well and not a demon you would want to cross... so yeah.”

“But if they keep bringing black magic in like that… I mean, it’s good for Cyial, but…” Sairek trailed off.

Varhi shrugged. “I guess in theory, yeah. Black magic can remove the ethereal from the world permanently. Granted we have a lot of ethereal as you can clearly see, but I suppose if that continued for decades or centuries…” Varhi trailed off with a shrug. “However, I don’t know if the demons can even keep coming over that long. There’s a finite amount of them, after all. It’s probably just a trendy thing to do right now in their realm. Or it isn’t, and things have really gone to shit over there. You know how people love to overreact to things…” Varhi hinted, looking directly at Sairek with a sly smirk, “...don’t you?”

“...I don’t think I like your attitude.” Sairek replied dryly, looking directly back at Varhi, but he looked away again and sighed, deciding to drop it. “Honestly, I guess I overestimated how much you were taking from me, Cyial… I thought just that little bit would be enough and we could just skip going to Kior…”

“Sorry… I hoped so too… and it may have been… until all of this…” Cyial whispered, looking down. "I've used up everything I had, Sairek..."

“Are you at least feeling a little better now?” Varhi asked, then added, “And don’t lie to me. You should have learned from experience by now that I’ll know.” He warned.

Cyial hesitated for a moment at Varhi's thinnly-veiled threat. “A… A little better… but it’s still too little… I can’t take too much… it would hurt Sairek, and when he's already like this...”

Sairek frowned. “But I feel just fine. Even my limbs don’t hurt anymore unless I put weight on them.”

Cyial shook his head. “That’s not the kind of pain I’m talking about. What we’re doing is just a ‘one and done’ type of thing.”

“...Oh.” Sairek simply uttered, his face flushing with color again.

“Ah, so what you’re saying is that Sairek has no stamina to keep going?” Varhi blurted out in question.

The pain Varhi felt from Sairek’s fist slamming on top of his head was probably well deserved and he didn’t protest as he held the top of what was probably a growing bump with both hands. Yup, the Prince was definitely recovering… Still, the melody of Nayleen bursting out laughing was a little bit worth the pain. “Still as violent as ever, I see…” Varhi grumbled with no real malice behind the words. "And apparently no longer shy of keeping your legs open... I guess that means it's back down to a modest size."

“And you still don’t know when you keep your big mouth shut...!” Sairek hissed, face beet red.

“That’s kind of my whole gig.” Varhi admitted with a shrug while still holding the top of his head with both hands. “Anyway, I told you three what I know... so don’t give up just yet, Cyial. Before I left Kior, more and more demons were showing up by the day, though it has been a few months, there may still be some vials in circulation. They don’t sell very fast despite the demand. Highest bidder and all that, and there’s only more demons trying to bid on it, so these black market auctions can take a long time to go through; you just have to find it.”

“I, I haven’t given up…” Cyial mumbled, even his face was a bit red, Varhi noted. “Though… it would be nice to be with Sairek with peace and quiet in my mind without constantly having ulterior thoughts being pushed into my head... I’m just lucky the voices have been quiet.”

“With that also said…” Varhi paused, looking back at Sairek. “I know you’re Prince and all, but I don’t know if your father would appreciate country funds being used to just feed a single demon with an otherwise illegal product. Nor would the rest of the country.”

Sairek ran a hand through his hair as he shook his head slowly. “It’s not like I’ve spent my allowance on much of anything other than compensating workers at the castle for… um… inconveniencing them. I’ve had personal funds saved up for years. Thankfully I at least had the sense to grab the seru from the boat. That is still pocketed in my clothes.”

“How much seru is that?” Varhi asked.

“Uhh… I can’t quite remember the exact amount. Twelve-thousand, I think?”

Varhi spluttered and flinched, nearly falling off the log he was sitting on. “You just have twelve-thousand seru jiggling in your back pocket—!?”

“Well, I left with less, but my maid decided to intercept where I was going to and then handed me more funds for the journey which nearly doubled what I had. Originally I had just taken everything I had; even that is still small in comparison to the castle treasury."

Varhi scratched behind his ear. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… a castle probably has millions of seru that they use for all kinds of things, like making sure struggling cities don’t just expire, paying all the employees… Tsk. Probably the kind of money a peasant like myself could only dream of having a fraction of, much less obtain for themselves in a life time of working hard...”

Sairek frowned. “Is money really that important?”

“It’s what keeps a roof over your head at night and makes sure you don’t starve as badly as we’re all doing right now in the middle of civilization itself.” Varhi answered. “It’s what decides if you get cured of a sickness or just die even though medicine readily available to save your life was there, ready to be used in the same bloody building you're dying in.  It’s what decides if you keep warm every night, especially during the winter, or suffer freezing the entire time. I could go on and on. Pretty much everything revolves around money.”

Sairek frowned, then looked at Cyial.

“Well, the monastery was not-for-profit. It was funded by the castle itself, so at least healthcare there in Lamen was free. Granted, we also had to do stuff for the castle as well to pay off the money we were receiving...” The demon explained.

“Like… those shipments.” Sairek said.

“Yes.”

Varhi shrugged. “As nice as it would be though, people get lazy if they don’t have a drive to do anything. There’s no real right answer. Unfortunately, some people are extremely greedy and can never have enough. Just look at Avotash himself.” Varhi stood up from his seat by the fire and stretched. “Anyway, it’s getting extremely late. You guys should go back to bed. Nayleen and I still have work that needs doing.”

“If I can even get to sleep after that…” Sairek grumbled, glaring at Nayleen.

“I said I was sorry!” She responded with a pout.

Sairek merely grunted at that, struggling to stand up, so Cyial stood up as well to help him. Sairek again tested his weight on his leg, and grimaced slightly. “If it makes you feel any better, your clothes should be clean to wear tomorrow.” Varhi said.

“It does… a little.” Sairek admitted. “Good night, you two.”

“Night.” Nayleen and Varhi both replied in unison as the two boys slowly made their way back to the tent. After they were inside, Nayleen turned back to Varhi. “Sooo… how do we do this?”

“Can you grab me my great sword?” Varhi asked.

Nayleen made a face. “Umm…”

“I’m going to split the entire fish into two. It’s probably easier to just do it that way then using those smaller knives of yours and spending the entire night chipping away. It doesn’t need to be perfect for this. I want to make two hooks, just in case the first one ends up a failure. Contigency plan and all that.”

“Ooookay.” Nayleen replied as she stood up. “Poor little fishie…”

Varhi cracked a smile at that.

* * *

“I’m back.” Varhi announced the next day from his return from the ocean needlessly, as his visual arrival was enough to announce his return. He dragged the boat back onto the beach with his catches in the back.

“How many did you—” Nayleen began as she bounded up to him, but paused when she saw the back of the boat. “Oh, wow. That’s at least one for each of us. Decent sizes, too. Great job, Varhi!”

“Plus two extra~” Varhi commented. He pulled his and Nayleen's make-shift fishing rod they crafted in the early morning hours outside of the boat. It was a sturdy stick, with lots of twine from the little bit of rope they still had which was painstakingly twirled and tied together into a reasonable length, with a hook made out of thin fish bone tied at the very end of the twine, allowing him to just pull on the stick to pull out any catch unfortunate enough to fall for the bait on the hook straight out of the water and haul them into the boat. From there, it was only a matter of keeping the fish in the boat until it was too weak to struggle anymore; ironically that was the hardest part and a couple unfortunate catches had ended with the fish flopping back into the water the first few attempts, but he had made do and developed slightly better tactics to entrapping them in the boat over time.

“We better get the fire started now with this many. It’s going to take a while to cook all of them.” Varhi instructed her. “We should have one or two left over for tomorrow to keep us fed and can finally start moving out of this place.” He then glanced over at the camp to see Cyial and Sairek sitting together by their little spent camp fire. “How are they both doing, by the way?”

“Cyial is still feeling rough, but Sairek should be able to walk well enough tomorrow, if a little slower than the usual marching speed. Cyial might move even slower, I’m not sure. We might have to carry him.” Nayleen answered, moving to stand beside Varhi as they both watched the other duo.

“He’s probably more lightweight than Sairek. He’s certainly smaller—err, don’t tell him I said that...” Varhi pleaded. Nayleen glanced at him and cracked a smile. “Ahem… I should be able to carry him if worst comes to worst. We really can’t stay here much longer. We’ll get spotted sooner or later by some boat and that could be trouble. I’d imagine by now there’s probably parties looking for us.”

“If there is, then would an abandoned monastery really be the best spot to hide?" Nayleen questioned him. "It’s kind of an obvious landmark."

“That’s true, but I think Sairek is onto something with coming back here into Masirean. They’re looking for us, but they’re probably not looking for us here, at least not yet.” Varhi said. “That said, they probably have wanted posters looking for us, at least one for myself at the minimum, and if someone does pass by along and recognizes my or any of our descriptions, then that could spell trouble really quickly. We’re kind of easy to recognize. We’re basically four youths; three boys, one girl, with one of the boys being a demon. Avotash may hold off looking for you guys specifically in wanted posters until the Ceareste army group leaves though in order to not alert them that the freakin’ Prince of their country is in his land.”

“Are you sure it’s safe though?” Nayleen asked.

“Probably safer than here in the long run when it comes down to it. At least we’ll have proper potable water nearby and won’t have to boil my canteen over and over again. It has forests nearby too to hunt in; still close to crazy bat territory but there should be a place to hunt in the 'back' of the monastary further away from their nests. Also we could gather proper herbs for medicine; all of those kinds of goodies.
"I still think Sairek is kind of crazy for wanting to cross the ocean in this boat though. We weren’t even far away from land and it took us several hours to just get back to land. Even at full strength and provisions, I don’t think that’s a journey we’re going to make in that boat. We may have to stowaway on another ship. To do that though, we’re going to have to be much less conspicuous.
"Cyvolta is the nearest piece of civilization that isn’t Karvadean. It's going to be too dangerous for us since that’s almost certainly where Avotash will dock back with Jimmy’s boat… We’re probably going to have to go past there towards the eastern side of the continent to Krevest, the other port town that’s part of the mainland.”

“There’s another port town?” Nayleen asked.

Varhi nodded. “Uh-huh. There's three of them actually. All along the south. From west to east – there is Cyvolta, which usually handles the Kior side of things, Krevest is for the Ceareste side of things and then there are the Daodo and Lasdo islands which handle Malode’s side of things. Most of the residents on those island are even Malodian folk and are basically two villages a tiny distance from each other, connected via a bridge over the gap between the two islands. The southern island acts as a port with commercial businesses while the northern part is purely residential.” Varhi explained. “That said, there are ships that also move between these three port towns. Really, we could go to either Kior, Ceareste or Malode between any of those three towns.”

Apparently overhearing their conversation, Sairek had gotten up and was walking over to meet them. “If what you say is true, then we should stow away on a ship from Krevest to those two islands and head towards Malode.”

“Wait, what?” Nayleen asked, turning around. “Why do that and not head directly to Ceareste?”

“Because it’s safer. I doubt Avotash would expect that and besides, Malode wouldn’t care if we’re ‘outlaws’. They’re respectful to all outsiders, as long as you are respectful back. You don’t even need paperwork to enter the borders, much less royalty such as myself. A small party such as us would be overlooked, but a giant search party or military would probably be pushed back as it would look like the very thing Avotash lied that Kior was guilty of doing torwards his country.” Sairek explained. “We can reach Ceareste from Malode on foot. Though Malode is mostly left natural with very little in terms of civilization, being mostly camps, there is still the occasional trade for natural resources and the like and roads for travel, so most of the civilization, what exists of it anyway, resides in the northern parts of the country.”

“And if they do question us, then what?” Nayleen asked.

Sairek shrugged. “I’ll tell them the truth. I don’t think it would do any good to lie. I mean, what’s the worst case scenario? They deport us back to Ceareste as it’s officially a Masirean and Ceareste domestic issue? That’s where we want to go anyway. I very, very highly doubt they’d want to get involved and would keep us captive for Avotash’s goons to collect us.”

Varhi crossed his arms over his torso in thought. “The problem with this whole plan though is the distance to even get to Krevest in the first place. There’s very little avoiding the main road; the space between Cyvolta and the main road is extremely narrow. We’ll have to pass right by Masirean city as well, so traffic will be high. The only other option is to literally go all the way around the entire Masirean continent which isn’t feasible and is probably even more risky and—oh! Actually, I do have an idea!" Varhi pounded a fist into his palm as he nodded to himself.

"...Care to share?" Sairek questioned him.

"I have a contact in Cyvolta who could probably help us out. He’ll do it if you give enough seru. It will both hide us from the road and get us to Krevest quicker without having to walk our sorry butts through the wilderness or roads and it would help us stow away on the boat to the islands; all in one fell swoop!”

“You sure seem to have a lot of these ‘contacts’...” Sairek mumbled suspiciously.

“Let me guess though, someone will need to sneak into Cyvolta to even get in contact with them in the first place.” Nayleen assumed.

“Yup. Think you’re up for it?” Varhi challenged her. “Sairek and I are too recognizable and Cyial is too suspicious and would stick out if there’s a wanted description of us by the time we get there, so that leaves only you, the most inconspicuous out of all of us.”

“Sure, we’ll discuss what to do in more detail when that time comes.” Nayleen agreed. “Think I’ll have to haggle a price?”

“It won’t matter. What matters is we get out of Masirean quickly and safely.” Sairek said. “If it does come to that, no money he asks for is too much. Understand? I don't think he would ask anywhere near as much as we have on-hand.”

“Aye-aye.” Nayleen agreed, then looked Sairek over appraisingly. “You’re almost looking like your normal self again. How’s the jewel doing?”

Sairek looked down, instinctively, Varhi noticed, probably out of habit, that he was clutching the royal jewel in his left hand between his index finger and thumb. The jewel which had been red a couple days prior, was now a deep yellow. “It’s getting there. I’m worried about the added weight and my leg, though. An entire life boat is not an easy fit, even for this thing, but it should have enough energy to at least keep it in until we get there.”

“I can always carry it for you if you’d like.” Nayleen offered.

Sairek frowned. “I’m not walking the entire way there shirtless. You’ve already seen more than enough of my body as is appropriate…” He grumbled.

“You’re still holding on to that, huh…” Nayleen sighed. "Way to keep a grudge."

“Obviously I am—!” Sairek exclaimed.

“Here we go again…” Varhi sighed, as both Sairek and Nayleen both devolved their plotting on how to get out of here to… something else. Varhi looked past the two at Cyial, who caught his eyes and looked back from the burnt out campfire. Varhi silently excused himself, unnoticed by the other two as they argued back and forth, where Varhi hooked a thumb behind his back at them both when he was close to Cyial. “Do those two always do this?” He asked.

Cyial, getting all-too-familiar with this question, merely nodded. “Uh-huh...”

* * *

For the third evening in a row, Varhi found himself at the same cliffside edge, though the setting sun wasn’t behind clouds this time, so to save his eyes from being blinded, he was instead laying back with the leather armor of his shirt behind his back as he interlaced his hands behind his head for further cushioning for his head, just staring up at the darkened blue sky, just like last time. Stars were already beginning to form and become visible on the eastern side of the sky. This time though he was a little further back, allowing his legs to lay sprawled flat on the ground in the grass comfortably.

He’d been waiting like this for a while, content for the most part. His stomach wasn’t upset from lack of food for once in what felt like weeks though he could still use more. The aches for the better part of nearly three weeks of torment were starting to become a thing of the past, too. What bruises were there on his body were starting to fade and almost all evidence from his torment in Karvadean were starting to disappear.

Varhi rolled his head back to look upside down as his ears caught wind of footsteps coming closer, and as he assumed, Nayleen was approaching him. He rolled his head to look back up at the sky, watching her in his peripheral vision as she moved to sit beside him with a bit of space between them wordlessly, but after a moment, she turned around as she sat, shifting her position, then moved to lay her head to rest against his left side, avoiding the big bruise on his waist and laying more on his left pectoral region above it. This confused Varhi a little, but he had no objections against it. Maybe she wanted to stargaze with him, and he had to admit, this was probably the most comfortable way for her without anything else to lay her head upon like he was and disturbing the bruise he had.

“You know, I used to do this almost every night when I was a lot smaller.” Nayleen said. “I heard you couldn’t get a view of the sky like this in Kior because of the light pollution, and that made me sad because the stars always looked pretty to me.”

“Makes sense. Kior is also known as the city that never sleeps. Even during the night, it’s bright as daylight in there. Kind of makes me wonder what people do when they wanna be alone.” Varhi replied. “I don’t have any special attachments to the stars themselves, though. If anything, they’re an ever-present reminder of how lost I actually am about my purpose in life, but I suppose that isn’t a bad thing. Helps me stay motivated to keep searching and going on. I don't fancy being lost.”

“Trying to make good out of bad.” Nayleen replied.

“Sitting around wishing things would change won’t make the change happen most of the time. Sometimes you have to be proactive for the change to happen. Unfortunately, I’m starting to realize that sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try. Some battles, you just can’t win.” Varhi sighed. "I figured it was a trap of some kind, but that I'd be able to just overcome it because I was determined. I could do it if I just tried hard enough. Pah..."

“Well, sometimes you can't make change happen. Not by yourself, anyways.”

“Agh… You all are so sappy with me.” Varhi grumbled with a frown. “I hate it. I suppose my willpower has kept me alive, though. Whatever good that does for the world."

“I think you say that because you believe you’re not worth it Varhi, but you are.”

“Hard to say I’m worth it when I don’t even know who I am. How do you value what something is worth if you don't know what it is, Nayleen? Right now, all I’m good for is killing things. Even though I hate royalty, all I am is a mere pawn to them. In the greater world; that's all I'm worth. If I had died, only a single man would have maybe grieved for me, but the rest of the cogs in the world would turn like normal; but if it was Sairek that something happened to, it would shake the foundations and grind everything to a halt.” Varhi tsked, closing his eyes. “And is my 'value' even good? Just look what I’ve gotten myself into... and I unwittingly dragged three other kids into my problems at the same time. I dug myself into a real deep hole this time.” He frowned.
“Of course, it's so easy to criticize myself in hindsight. Literally all of this could have been avoided if I just bought fifteen more feet of rope, but nope – I decided having an extra two strips of dried jerky was more important instead. Heck, I still had the option to just not climb down. I realized the rope was too short for a return trip… I have no one to blame for this fuck up but myself. All I can try to do now for my over confidence is try to atone."

“You didn’t know what was in there. To be fair, we didn’t either.”

“I know. Like I said; easy to criticize in hindsight. My job was to go in anyways, but I didn’t think it was even possible to become trapped in such a manner. Oh well… I always get myself into these kinds of situations somehow. By now I’m no stranger to squirming my way out of them. After we recover, we'll figure something out. I already have a plan A in mind. Need to think of a plan B and C though. If Sairek can walk okay, we should get out of here tomorrow as soon as we can.”

Nayleen pushed herself back upright again to turn and look at Varhi, who opted to do the same as well. The sun now past the horizon, Varhi was allowed to look west at the last dregs of warm colors fading from the skyline without hurting his eyes. “Well, if we’re moving tomorrow morning, this will be our last chance to see this view.” She murmured.

“It’s okay. There’s plenty of other views like this one.” Varhi replied. "I learned that long ago."

“It's also probably the last time we’ll get to be properly alone for a while.” Nayleen continued.

Varhi looked at her and tilted his head a little. “Is there something you want to talk to me about or something? I didn't really have much in mind to talk about today to be honest. Unless you want to hear more stories.”

“Well, last time I made you feel, but it wasn’t exactly something pleasant, was it?” Nayleen asked.

“Well... I wouldn’t put it like that. Even though it was brief, it wasn’t that kind of… pain that I usually get.” Varhi hinted, pointing at the fading, though still visible bruises along his body.

“Yeah, but there’s far better feelings than just pain. I want you to feel something completely new that's nice. There’s more feelings in the world than just pain. I want to experience something that’s not that. Even if it's not exactly an emotion...”

“Did you have an idea planned?” Varhi asked.

“Well… it’s a bit… drastic, admittedly.” Nayleen replied.

“You know I don’t mind danger.” He smirked confidently.

“Uh, no. Not that kind of drastic. Uh, listen. Do you trust me?”

“Well, gee, let's see Nayleen; you and your friends did save my life twice – the first time wasn’t even mutually beneficial and technically you still didn’t have to the second time, so I’d be even more of an asshole than usual to say 'no', wouldn’t I?” Varhi chidded in answer.

“...I’ll take that as a ‘yes’, then.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay, then can you close your eyes for me?”

“Oookay?...” Varhi replied in confusion, but did as requested.
His world went dark as his eyelids sealed themselves gently shut. For a few moments there was nothing, then as he inhaled a breath through his nose, he nearly choked it out of his mouth—but couldn’t, as he felt something on his lips. Surprised and a little startled, he opened his eyes to see Nayleen in extremely close proximity to him, her lips against his, pressing in gently. He managed to resist his own instincts to pull away and allow her to do whatever it was she was doing, and after a moment, another instinct kicked in that, this time which he allowed. Granting himself to be somewhat submissive and allow her approach as he leaned back slightly and slowly. She closed the distance that otherwise would have been created. A strange sound rumbled through his chest and escaped through his throat, and it was only through that subtle sensation that he realized it was actually him that made such a noise. As time went on, his eyes almost closed again, and were ready to do so as he was laying flat on the ground once more by the time Nayleen pulled away, leaving him breathing harder for air than normal. She was looking down at him, studying him carefully.

“How was that… did you feel anything?” Nayleen asked.

“Uh… um…
Y-Yeah… where should I start, exactly…?” Varhi asked her seriously, blinking once with his eyes before his pupils flicked down to study himself carefully. “I… have this fluttery… tingling sensation kinda all over…” He began, then moved his hand down to press it between his groin. “Strongest here—”
Nayleen pulled back, turning around and barked out in a fit of snickering and giggling. “W-What?” Varhi asked seriously, confused.

“Sorry.” Nayleen chuckled. “I just wasn’t expecting that. Well, I guess your body reacts normally if that’s the case, huh?”

“Sooo feeling tingles in my groin right now is a normal thing?” Varhi asked. “I admit, it’s still a kind of painful feeling, but a uh… not unpleasant one, I guess…”

Nayleen sighed. “I’m not trying to make you feel any pain, Varhi… ugh. Honestly though, I thought you knew a little more than what’s happening right now.”

“Only the vague, confusing description Cyial gave me after I asked him. I said this last night. Remember?” Varhi replied.

“Ah right… I just guessed based on your teasing of Sairek earlier that you had a better idea—Uh, what did you think they were doing, anyway?”

“Um, I don’t know. Again, what Cyial said didn’t really make sense to me much.” Varhi answered, then glanced down the length of his torso as realization of the situation was starting to dawn on him. “Um… Nayleen…? Are you about to… ‘teach me’ or something?”

“I—I could. It would be the first time I’ve done something like this. I mean, I know about it… I already had ‘the talk’ with my parents a fews years ago by now. Y'know, because of the farm animals we had.” Nayleen answered. “But that’s only if you’re completely okay with it.”

“The talk?” Varhi questioned.

“Well, for you, it would be partially a talk but more of a demonstration...” Nayleen clarified.

Varhi still looked a little confused, though he had a suspicion. “Hm. Is that so? Well, I'm not afraid of learning new things..."

“Then yeah, you’re about to feel something very nice, I hope.”

“I… I think I’m feeling something… Um... I feel very strange, already, Nayleen...” Varhi admitted.

“You’re probably feeling a lot of things right now.” Nayleen agreed, moving down to half lay, and half prop herself up close to him to be more level with his face. “Can you try to explain what you’re feeling?”

“...Would you like that with words, or imagery?” Varhi asked, paraphrasing what Nayleen had asked of him the night before.

“Whatever works best for you, Varhi.” Nayleen replied.

“Alright, well, um… the tingles and that... um… The ‘good pain’ is certainly back, even stronger in my groin now than before…” Varhi admitted.

Nayleen's eyes flicked towards the lower half of his body for a moment. “Yes. I can see that.” She joked and smiled in amusement. “Anything else?”

“I have—I feel a sort of… pressure in my upper half… shortness of breath… I feel like I may start to sweat in a second even though I’m not hot or exerted… My heart rate has accelerated a little… I’m… looking forward to what’s about to happen even though I don’t really know what’s about to happen?" Varhi continued to try and explain. "Um… I’m feeling a little bit of… discomfort with that as well?”

"Okay, that's good. Can you try to describe with imagery?" Nayleen requested of him.

There was a momentary pause as Varhi thought, then shook his head pretty quickly.

Nayleen snickered, then snorted, and withdrew away, struggling not to laugh again.

"...Well I'm glad you at least are having fun at my expense..." Varhi replied in response dryly, though without heat.

“*snrk...* S-Sorry..." She giggled, then swallowed down her laughter as she returned her position back to where she was previously, sitting upright. Her tone becoming more serious again. "Okay, okay, I'll stop teasing you for a bit. Varhi; I think what you’re feeling is called ‘apprehension'. It’s kind of two feelings, both excitement and nervousness mixed into one. You’re excited about what’s about to happen, but you’re also a bit nervous, too.” Nayleen said. “Does that feel about right?”

“I… I think so. Is that also what’s happening to my groin, also?” Varhi asked.

“Oh, no. That’s ‘arousal’, Varhi. It’s less an emotional ‘feeling’ and more a ‘bodily reaction’ if you get what I mean. Though it can make you feel things too, like the fluttery feeling.”

“You mean like how you can feel when you’re hungry, but hunger isn't an emotion?” Varhi asked.

“Yeah! Exactly like that. It’s kind of like a different type of hunger.”

“Like Cyial?”

“Well, for him, it is an actual hunger, from what I understand anyway.” Nayleen explained. “His is a need, like how eating for us is a need, but for humans like us, arousal is more of a ‘desire’. Our bodies are just made that way to want to do certain things. Same for animals too.”

“I see. I think I’m starting to understand, then. I thought it only swelled like that when I really needed to pee in the morning.” Varhi announced blatantly.

Nayleen snorted out another laugh. “That’s one reason it can happen too. It does that because blood swells there, which can also happen due to arousal because of what's happening now, or just needing to go to the bathroom.” She explained.

"Oh yeah, I think I remember that now, from the biology books." Varhi said, watching her intently as she moved her hands closer to him. He swallowed. His throat felt suddenly more dry than he remember being seconds ago.

“Is this something you want, Varhi?”

Hesitating for a moment, Varhi exhaled. “I feel weird but... okay, fine. I consent to this.” Varhi responded.

Nayleen and even Varhi himself both frowned immediately after he said that.

“It doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?” Varhi asked with a genuinely amused grin.

“No, it doesn’t.” Nayleen smiled.

* * *

“Wow… I sure 'felt' that alright…” Varhi panted for breath. “That… That felt…” He took a few more moments to catch his breath, unable to wrack up the proper vocabulary to even describe what happened, but his train of thought was distracted with another. “Hey, is this what Sairek and Cyial have been doing?”

“Maybe.” Nayleen said, sounding somewhat unsure. “Probably similar to that, at the very least, judging from the glimpse I accidentally caught last night. Or they could have just been snogging.”

"Snogging?"

"Like, making out and stuff. Being very touchy feely, but not entirely going all the way at the same time? It's probably what they were doing. Sairek's just embarrassed because, well, when a boy gets like that and they're only in their underwear, it leaves little to the imagination.

“What the heck! Why would Sairek be so ashamed of that?” Varhi demanded to know.

“H-Hey, this isn’t the kind of stuff you should just go shouting and talking about all willy-nilly.” Nayleen cautioned him. “Especially to other people. It's intimate. I can understand why he was upset."

“What—? You too?” Varhi asked with a frown as he pushed himself to sit upright. “I wouldn’t mind feeling like that for hours instead of just a couple of minutes!” Nayleen snorted in amusement at his bluntness, but he continued. “After the past three weeks, I could use a real good distraction from shit right now.”

“Well, you did mock Sairek for his stamina. You didn't last very long yourself, though” Nayleen chided him.

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought that he couldn't handle Cyial feeding on him for—” Varhi frowned and paused for a moment in thought. “Well, I guess I do now. What Cyial told me is starting to me sense I think, but Sairek, not so much.”

“...Let me guess, you want me to do it again?” Nayleen asked dryly.

“We can? Or is that asking too much?” He asked.

“Well, it takes time for the body to recover from that and— look, tell you what, how about I give you a bit of an explanation about what happened—a proper one, unlike what Cyial gave you apparently. I’ll give you that first, and then if we get a chance, maybe again later… If you want to” She trailed off.

“This might have been a big mistake you know. I might get addicted.” Varhi smirked at her.

“What, like your great sword and pot lid?” Nayleen asked teasingly.

“I’m not addicted to those. They’re simply the best thing in the world. It’s an indisputable fact.” Varhi sniffed and Nayleen smiled in amusement. However, his bravado disappeared for a moment as he felt a little bit of heat rushing to his face; a foreign sensation to him. He looked away slightly. “But… That was a pretty close second. Thanks… for doing that, Nayleen… That felt...” He paused again and glanced away, “...nice. Even if it was for a few moments, being able to just forget about all the bullshit for just those few moments was liberating. Heck, just talking about it feels nice.”

“Aww, you look so cute when you’re shy and blushing!” Nayleen teased.

Varhi tried to bring his bravado back, but he just couldn’t, confusing him. “...I must be feeling a small inkling of what Sairek felt…” He mumbled, almost completely under his breath. “Maybe I am beginning to understand after all…?”

“Hey, that’s great! That’s progress!” Nayleen cheered happily. “Instead of trying to force that feeling away though, you should allow it in for a little bit longer. You don’t have to hide who you are around us Varhi, or try to fool us like you have been doing with all the other ‘adults’. Remember that.”

“I… F-Fine, okay…” Varhi surrendered, no longer trying and just accepting the feeling that was going through him. “You’re still on trial for calling me cute, though…”

Nayleen smirked. “Guess I better give you the up-and-up about what happened so I can apologize properly, shouldn’t I?”