Varhi stared up blankly at the ceiling of the tent. This... was a bit of a problem. He had slept all day, practically the entire day, and now having fed himself for the night with cattails, he wasn’t tired – at all. Also the fact the Prince was next to him, also awake, was making the silence rather... awkward. They had both been laying next to each other without a word for about an hour now. Or, at least it felt like it had been an hour. Both being aware of each other’s presence, but not saying anything.
Really, he wished he could just go for a jog, maybe even do some routine exercises to get the excess energy out of his system. He hated just laying around, doing nothing. His mind and spirit was willing, but his body was not. He was still aching all over because, unsurprisingly, getting punched in the face and having everywhere else pummeled when he was already bruised hurt like a bitch.
Varhi rolled his head slightly to the side as he heard Sairek let loose an exasperated sigh. He looked the Prince over, practically undressed as he was, but using pieces of the little rope they had left, Cyial had tied a green herb to his arm and another to his leg over the puncture wounds from Avotash’s pistol. The Prince was lying on his side, using his good arm for a pillow, which meant he was facing Varhi.
Now that he thought about it, Sairek had practically been sleeping all day too, so they were both probably in a similar state of alertness and not tired anymore.
“...What?” Sairek asked, seeing Varhi staring at him.
“I’m just thinking.” Varhi answered.
“...About what?”
“About you.” Varhi answered honestly. Sairek made a face at that answer. Varhi's words of choice was not being lost upon him. He blinked and fluttered his eyelashes as he smirked at the Prince.
“You’re about to get another fist connected to your face.” Sairek threatened dryly.
Varhi couldn’t help but laugh at that. It hurt, but he laughed anyway. “Relax, I’m joking. I don’t even know what I’m into, but it’s definitely not you. A mage and nobility? Ew.”
Sairek sighed. “I’m going to have to put up with this for the entire night, aren’t I?”
“That depends. Are you as ‘not sleepy’ as I am?”
“... ... ..."
"Well?" Varhi pressed.
"Yggdrasil, give me strength…” Sairek groaned.
Varhi continued to smirk. “I’ll take that as a yes, then."
Sairek stared at him for a moment. “How do you do it?”
Varhi’s smirk faltered. “Um… How do I do what?”
“Keep positive, despite everything?”
“Uhh…?” Varhi droned, confused. “I don’t act positive at all. I’m a sarcastic, sassy asshole. Even to myself inside my own head. You wouldn’t like to hear half the things I say to myself.” Varhi emphasized by raising his left hand up and knocking on his own head gently.
“But I mean, how do you keep… joking?” Sairek clarified.
“Didn’t you just do that a minute ago yourself?” Varhi asked.
“I did?”
“Yeah, about punching me in the face.” Varhi reminded him.
“I wasn’t joking. I was actually going to do it.”
“...Oh.” Varhi merely let out.
"Well, that is just mean."
“I thought you were making fun of me…” Sairek said, pouting slightly.
“Why would I do that?” Varhi asked.
“I don’t know. I’m not exactly thinking clearly lately... I suppose I'm pretty defensive and withdrawn at the moment.”
“Yeah, you probably have a lot on your mind right now.” Varhi agreed with a nod.
“...Too much…” Sairek whispered, closing his eyes.
“You should stop that.”
Sairek opened his eyes and made yet another face at Varhi as he snorted bitterly through his nose. “That is so much easier said than done. Do you realize how much… how much responsibility I have on my shoulders right now? What I did may change not only my entire life, but at least the lives of two whole kingdoms—once which I am supposed to be responsible for and probably not for the better, either! The weight of that, it's—it's suffocating...! And even worse, I still think I'd do it again... I, I hate feeling like this... Like I am suffocating. I just want it to stop, Varhi... It's scary.”
“You don’t have to blank your mind permanently, Sairek. Just for now. You need to think of the present right now, not the future. If you think twenty steps ahead, you just get overwhelmed. You need to sort things out one step at a time, one problem at a time. All of the responsibility you're feeling amounts to nothing if we don't make it out of here in one piece, so there's no point worrying about it right now.”
“That’s… still easier said than done…” Sairek repeated again, paused, then added. “Especially when I’ve just been… laying here. Doing nothing.”
Varhi frowned slightly. Yeah, that probably was a problem that wasn't helping too. Something he could sympathize with as it was something he was going through even right this second.
“Alright, let’s go for a walk then.” Varhi suggested, sitting up.
Sairek glared at him. “I can’t walk...”
“Fine, then you don’t have to.” Varhi said, reaching over and grabbing Sairek’s good arm.
“But—”
“Upsy daisy!” Varhi grunted, pulling Sairek closer to him.
“H-Hey!”
Pulling Sairek up off the tent floor and draping him onto his back, Varhi moved his arms to have Sairek leaning forwards over his shoulder much like how Sairek had helped carry him out of Karvadean. He reached out to unzip the tent and crawl out of it, dragging Sairek with him. Despite the pain, he pushed on, carrying the other boy on his back. He wasn’t that much heavier than his full chainmail armor, anyways when the Prince wasn't wearing his full get-up with all of the items in that pesky royal jewel of his. Sairek was actually a bit thin and petite in comparison, though he was starting to bulk up, no doubt from the outdoor activities the Prince had been doing lately and just from naturally growing up as his body began the transition from ‘boy’ to ‘man’, which would broaden his shoulders and chest in a few months. He already lacked any baby fat. Not that he was lacking in muscle entirely, but he obviously hadn’t been doing too much physical labor until recently. Until then, he’d just been perfectly healthy and naturally fit.
Pulling the both of them out of the tent, Sairek was still protesting as Varhi carried him against his will on his back, walking right past a sleeping Nayleen who had dozed off tending to a now dead campfire on her sides, using the Prince’s clothes as a blanket and Cyial’s robes as a pillow, and Cyial himself who had fallen asleep on top of the sleeping bag, his tail almost adorably curled up upon himself like a feline and clutching his tome close to his chest. Both were apparently so exhausted from the day’s events, that Sairek’s constant and definitely not-very-quiet protesting did not wake them up. Varhi walked along the beach, barefoot, going up an incline of a hill so they could reach higher ground. Eventually Sairek gave up and stopped squirming, falling silent, accepting his fate that he was being ‘kidnapped’ from their temporary and rudimentary shelter.
“Where are we going…?” Sairek finally grumbled after he conceded.
“I want to show you something.” Varhi answered simply.
“Show me what...?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see until we get there.”
“Why, have you been in this exact area before or something?” Sairek asked.
“Nope!”
“Then where are we going–?”
“Shhh.” Varhi shushed him quietly. “Just go along with it.”
“I don’t like this…”
“Too bad.”
“Mmph…”
Decisively defeated, Sairek went quiet for a second time, begrudgingly allowing Varhi to carry him as the other boy continued more upwards, not seeming to have any specific direction, but they were climbing higher as Varhi walked further inland, but upwards towards the edge of a cliff.
“Don’t your feet hurt walking without shoes?” Sairek asked, more to break the awkward silence than any actual curiosity.
Varhi slowly turned his head to look back at Sairek as much as he could. “Compared to everything else right now? Not really.”
“If it hurts then why are you—”
“Because I do what I want when I want. Now shhh!”
Sairek grumbled, once more falling silent and giving up yet again before he had really begun. After four minutes of walking, where Varhi kept walking upwards and more inland, he spotted the kind of area he was looking for and after altering his direction a bit to march towards it, he finally stopped at the edge of a cliff overlooking most of the shoreline, with them being about a hundred feet up from sea level. Varhi carefully lowered Sairek down, a little bit away from the edge, then helped guide him towards the edge. Varhi sat down as he helped Sairek, leaning his legs over the edge casually as they dangled off the drop, though Sairek sat a little further back as if not trusting the height.
Overlooking the water, Sairek could see the full moon, signalling it was about an hour or two before midnight. The light it was reflecting off of the sun caused the otherwise ink black ocean water to glitter and sparkle under it’s cool light. The sky was still fairly cloudy and so it wouldn’t be long before the light would dim because of a cloud passing in front of it, but the stars out here that peeked through the clouds twinkled and sparkled brightly.
It was pretty, but Sairek was still visibly confused as Varhi turned to look back at him to gauge his expression. “Don’t think about anything else on your mind right now. Just think about this. Study it and let your mind wander.” Varhi told him, gesturing at the view in front of them. Sairek’s face shifted to an uncertain expression. “Just try it.” Varhi tried to press him.
Sighing, Sairek shifted his position and, a bit apprehensively, shimmied a bit awkwardly to sit next to Varhi, also draping his legs over the edge of the cliff carefully, apprehension on his face at how high up they were and there was little stopping him from going over if he was given a hefty shove. Varhi looked back ahead, but rolled his eyes to the side to keep a visual on Sairek, watching the other boy stare ahead, watching the scene before the both of them in silence, save for his breathing. Sairek didn't turn his head, but Varhi saw the Prince's emerald green eyes flicking occasionally to take the sight in front of him in.
After a many moments of silence, Sairek finally spoke up again. “Do you think that maybe one day, we would ever be able to leave and go… up?”
Varhi glanced to his side at Sairek for a few seconds, then peered back up, eyes centered on to the moon in the sky. “It’s a bit strange that we call the Underworld the “Underworld” when we can see it on most nights by looking up, like right now, isn’t it? Our worlds really are just two sides of the same coin.” Varhi said. “If we do manage to get technology that far one day, then banished demons wouldn’t really be ‘banished’ anymore, would they?”
“Well… if we have ships that can fly without ethereal, maybe one day there won’t even need to be banishing spells anymore in the first place.” Sairek mused. "Banishing spells really are just taking someone and transporting them a vast amount of distance. Of course, the magic required for that is so obscene, it requires a site all on its own, with lots of casters and catalysts. At least, from our end. Demons seem to have an easier time since they do it more often. If such technology could ever exist though, the demons will probably get there first before we do."
“Even if that was possible for demons, we would fade away within a few days. We’re bound to Yggdrasil, after all.” Varhi replied, still looking up at the moon. “Without it, our souls simply start to erode into nothing. We are literally soulbound to Ettherra. The demons are lucky in that regard—they are self-sustaining. When you think about it, we're prisoners, in a way. We just have a very, very big prison cell. But there's nothing for us beyond what is here.
"Their world sucks now, but they can always find a new home one day. We can’t. Not without another Yggdrasil; but it’s not like finding a new home is easy, or even leaving your old one.” Sairek glanced at Varhi expectantly, so Varhi continued. “...Home makes us who we are. It’s where we feel we belong. That’s why I also feel a compulsion to try and find where I belonged before I lost my memory, so I can remember who I am. Not that I’m unhappy with who I am now, but I’d still like to know who I am. Home gives us all a piece of being and identity. It’s hard to just leave all of that behind for anything unless you never felt like you belonged in the first place.” Varhi replied, then glanced back at Sairek. “After all, I’m sure as much as you may dislike your home at times, you plan to return sooner or later, right?”
“Yes… but only because I kind of have to.” Sairek grumbled, looking down at the water. “That’s the problem with my home, I don’t feel like I belong… I’ve been more happy being with Cyial and Nayleen than I have ever been in my life, at least ever since my mother died. Even through the ups and downs. I—I don’t want to lose that—them…”
“Just because you go back home doesn’t mean you’ll lose them, you know.” Varhi said.
“If you had said that to me before today, I may have replied with a ‘maybe…’ but after today, I know I definitely would.” Sairek replied. "And... And now I have no choice... We can't go back to just going towards Yggdrasil now... Even if we did, my Father would go straight there and forcefully drag me back."
Varhi sighed with a frown. “This was supposed to get you to not think about what happened today.”
“...Why did you drag me all the way out here?" Sairek asked. Varhi shrugged, giving a non-committal answer to him, who became a little annoyed at that. “Ugh... Varhi—Why can’t you just give me a straight answer?...”
“It’s not that I won’t or don't want to. It’s that I can’t.” Varhi replied, not turning at all to Sairek as he kept staring upwards into the moon, which the light of it was reflected in his violet eyes. “I had an urge to do it… so I did. And yet, I still don’t feel anything.
"I don’t know why I do half of the things that I do. I don’t know why I behave the way I do. I don’t know why the idea of a mercenary appeals to me. I don't know why I have an interest in working with metal. I don't know why I love the design of great swords. Sairek, I hate what society calls ‘justice’, but I don’t even know why. I don’t know why I think and have the opinions that I do. I just—do.”
Finally, Varhi pried his eyes away from the moon to turn his head slightly to face Sairek, though mostly looking at him with turned pupils at a sideways glance. “So, all I can give you as an answer is a shrug, because I don’t know and I don’t know why I don’t know.”
“Okay, I get it…” Sairek mumbled, looking a bit uncomfortable and slightly guilty. “I didn’t mean to make you feel unc—”
“Sairek, I don’t feel anything right now. It’s hollow. The only time when I do truly feel alive is when I’m fighting because it feels like something matters. Heck; maybe I even like the pain at this point. As Cyial said to me, feeling pain is evidence that I am alive, right?”
“You don’t even feel anything being with Cyial, Nayleen and I?” Sairek asked.
Varhi shook his head as he turned to face Sairek. “Nope. Nothing. Not even you, right now. There's no attachment, Sairek.”
“Then what’s stopping you from just wandering off after you get better?” Sairek asked.
“Because I am honorbound.”
“I... don’t understand.”
“I said I owe you all— well, I owe you twice now. I don’t like being indebted to people. Jimmy said that when you make promises, you need to keep and do them. So I promised you all that I would return the favor somehow and pay my debt. Until my debt is paid, I will stay. So I won’t leave because I am honorbound.”
"What? We told you that you don't owe us anything. I told you, I believe I don't need a reason to help people."
"You say I don't owe you, doesn't make it true, though." Varhi countered.
“Then why—” Sairek began, then paused, trying to figure out how to word his question. “Why do you hold Jimmy’s words so closely?”
“As I said, I don’t know why. I just do. Probably because I am honorbound to him as well, even though he also says otherwise.”
“Sorry, I guess that was a dumb question.”
Varhi merely grunted at that.
“Let me ask this instead; why do you talk and behave the way you do?”
Varhi looked directly at Sairek and raised an eyebrow. “You mean… like my accent or something?” He tried.
“I mean your whole personality and word choice." Sairek clarified. "You still choose what you say and how you say it, right? It’s totally different from Jimmy’s. Is that just natural to you?”
Varhi turned his head back around to look ahead, pondering the question. “No... It's the opposite, actually. I talk like this and crack witty jokes and act like an asshole to hide how empty I really am. It's... easier to just pretend. I'm not unique in that regard; people pretend to be who they are all the time. Apparently we're very good at it.”
Sairek blinked now. “To hide?”
“When you act like a sassy, sarcastic asshole, people assume things about you. Because of that, they never try to know me enough to realize the truth about me. People are quick to judge like that. The reality is that I’m just a hollow husk, but everyone else thinks I’m just an overconfident brat with a lot of bravado who can conveniently back up their behavior... which is half true, I guess. Well, it’s more convenient this way. Makes it easier to get jobs, too, though I admit, I’m just imitating feelings rather than actually feeling stuff most of the time from just instinct and habit by now than anything else.” Varhi explained. “Anyway, just to give an example of why I am boisterous and annoying, it means I can just keep pestering people to get what I want and they eventually lament.”
Sairek thought for a moment, then his face lit up in realization, glaring at Varhi. “Oh, you sneak—”
Varhi turned to look at Sairek with a sly expression. “See? You cannot deny that it works. It worked even on you to get you out here.”
Sairek rolled his eyes. “And here I was thinking you were trying to be generous to me.”
“I kind of was. But yes, I am just bored, too. Besides…” Varhi said, looking back to the moon that was now almost directly above them now as they had spent several minutes talking. “I always wondered if seeing a sight like this would help me feel something again, except this time, seeing it with someone else.”
“Jimmy told me about that, when you saw a sunrise that you started acting differently.” Sairek said.
“Yeah. It sort of snapped me out of whatever dreamlike state I was apparently in? I don’t really remember much of that time. It’s there; but it’s all a blur and hazy... I do recall enough to know that what Jimmy said about my state was true, though. Things are clearer to the time closer to when I ‘woke up’. Anything about what happened to me in the first place is much harder to pluck details from, though. I don’t even remember Jimmy finding me in the first place or how I ended up being there. Actually, I don’t even remember my apparent first two months of being taken in by Jimmy at all, and anything before that is just a complete blank."
Sairek turned to look up with Varhi. “So… did tonight change anything?”
“Nope.”
“Hm... Sorry I wasn’t good enough.”
“Meh. I didn’t think it would work but it was worth a try anyway.” Varhi said, pausing for a moment. “At least one thing I know about myself is that I apparently like pretty views.” Varhi said, gesturing to the view in front of them. "Besides, for being royalty, you're an alright kid for now. The problem is me really, not you."
“Maybe you should try this with Nayleen instead. She’s much better at this kind of talk than I am.” Sairek suggested.
“Wouldn’t that be a little weird?” Varhi asked.
“Weird how? Just because she's a girl? I mean, I’m sure she would say yes if you were just honest and explained it to her. It’s not a weird request in my opinion regardless.”
“But I hate asking for things.” Varhi pouted. “And forcefully dragging off a girl like I did to you would just be weird. Even I know enough to understand that much.”
“It’s more acceptable than dragging people off to do your bidding.” Sairek replied dryly. “Besides, again what does her gender have to do with anything? And you don't have to drag her anywhere if you would just ask for crying out loud.”
“Well, I thought you would have said no.”
“No I wouldn’t have. Not if you asked.” Sairek answered. “That’s what friends do.”
Varhi snapped his glare from the moon to Sairek. “I’m not your—” He began, teeth clenched, then took a breath, calming the tone of his voice. “Look; it’s not fair for you to call me that when I’m incapable of feeling the same thing back.”
“That’s not your fault. Besides, you don’t need to. I and the other two probably understand as well.” Sairek said, then turned to look back at Varhi in turn. “Besides, there must be something deep in there. You did want to help me get my mind off of things, right? I guess this has worked out in a way.”
“Only because I thought it would be convenient for both of us.” Varhi grunted. “Mutual gain.”
“It will happen, Varhi. Just give it time.” Sairek said.
“But it’s been about a year…! How long do I have to—ow!” Varhi hissed and jerked, grabbing his arm and holding it. “Oi, why’d you pinch me–?”
“You can feel that, right?” Sairek asked, pulling his hand back.
“Obviously! That hurt!”
Sairek nodded. “Then that means you are capable of feeling other things as well. Like Cyial said, it’s proof that you are alive. That you are flesh and blood. You exist and are sitting here right beside me, as human as I am. Just give it time, Varhi. Even if you don't feel like you care about a lot of things, you care that you don't think you can care, and that's just proof that you can and do, there's just... steps involved you still need to figure out.”
Varhi sighed and looked away from Sairek. “I’m not having an existential crisis, just so you know. You don't have to toss these cheesy lines of encouragement at me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with accepting help.” Sairek repeated, giving Varhi a playful prod on the shoulder where he pinched him. “Nayleen made me realize that lesson super early on, but Cyial taught me that lesson in full only a couple of weeks ago when I was receiving harsh schooling.”
“Schooling? I thought you were already an apprentice mage?” Varhi asked.
“Not as good as people thought, evidently, including myself and I had already set my bar pretty low…” Sairek grumbled. “I couldn’t even cast magic properly at all without my staff until I got retaught how to do it properly. My tutors at the castle apparently didn’t really care to teach me actual techniques and stuff. Most of the time it was just, ‘here’s a book, read it.’ It’s amazing how much of a difference there is when you have a teacher who actually cares and is passionate about sharing their knowledge. I just wish he was less… strict. I don’t know if I could have survived another day running laps…” Sairek grumbled.
Varhi perked up slightly. “...What does magic have to do with running laps?”
“He said keeping the body physically in shape is just as important as keeping the mind mentally sharp when it comes to casting magic.” Sairek answered.
Varhi blinked. “You know… part of the reason I hate mages is because they think they’re all high and mighty, simply because they have talent to control ethereal to their will. They’re powerful because they can make things happen with a flick of their wrist and an utterance of an ancient word, but when it comes to a real head-to-head battle, they would shatter easily like brittle glass. I worked hard to train my body. I studied a lot about the biological functions of the body so I can make the most of it and push myself just that little bit more. Yet still, many mages look down at all of this hard work of us warriors like we're a lesser being, just because they have a talent. Your new teacher might actually be the first mage I may actually respect in… well, ever, just from hearing about him so far.”
“Well, if we ever get out of here in one piece, maybe you can go visit him. I have to go back anyway to… to… u-uhh...” Sairek trailed off as his face went pale. “Oh... Oohhh nooo…”
“...What?” Varhi frowned.
“I… I left the book that he gave me that I was supposed to study... It—It's on the ship…” Sairek answered quietly, a quiver in his voice. “I… I didn’t even get a chance to look at it yet…” Varhi blinked slowly as Sairek pulled his knees up to himself and hugged himself tightly. “I… I don’t want to run laps again…!” He whined.
“It’s just a book…?” Varhi tried with a quirked eyebrow. “Besides, it was basically my fault anyway. I’ll take responsibility if it comes down to—”
“Uuuuuu…” Sairek whined, not listening to Varhi at all. “M-Maybe I’ll have better chances just being sent to the dungeon by my father…” He mumbled to himself.
Varhi sighed, rolling his eyes, but reached over and hesitantly gave Sairek some pats on the back.
They weren’t nearly as good as Cyial’s back rubs and pats that the demon often did as a gesture to comfort him, but Sairek appreciated Varhi’s attempt at sentiment nonetheless.
"...On second thought, maybe I don't want to meet this teacher after all..." Varhi droned.
* * *
When Varhi woke up with a stretch and a yawn, he turned his head to see Sairek had already gotten up and out of the tent and judging by the light peeking through the plastic of the tent, it was already daylight. Slowly, cracking some limbs and popping them back into place from laying on the equivalent of sand for the rest of the night once they both had returned back, Varhi climbed himself out of the tent, still feeling sore, but most of the pain from the extra injuries he incurred earlier from his ‘interrogation’ had faded to more of an ache than an ever-present reminder.
Indeed, he was the last one awake, with the boat having been changed upright once more and he saw that some little holes were dug around the beach whilst Nayleen was digging yet another one. Cyial and Sairek were together by the spent fire. Sairek was still undressed while Cyial seemed to be checking the wounds again and reapplying the green herbs.
“Okay, I understand what those two are doing,” Varhi commented loudly, pointing at the two other boys, “...but what about you?” He asked Nayleen.
“Digging for worms.” She answered.
“Oh. Are we that desperate for food already?” Varhi asked.
“N-No. They’re for fishing, Varhi, not for eating…” Sairek answered for Nayleen in a grumble.
“You heard him, Varhi. Keep your mouth away from them.” Nayleen teased with a smirk, looking up from her task.
“Damn. What a pity.” Varhi drawled sarcastically as he rolled his eyes at her. “How many did you find?”
“Only half a dozen. It’ll do, I hope. Turning six worms into six fish would be amazing.” Nayleen answered.
Cyial looked down at the sand while this conversation was happening, which Varhi noticed. “When are you heading out, Cyial?” Varhi asked.
“As soon as I finish this up.” Cyial said, lifting his head and went to checking Sairek’s arm now.
“Cyial, I’m fine…” Sairek tried to reassure him. “I already feel better than last night. I can even walk—kind of. I’ll be good by tomorrow morning as long as we don’t starve before then.”
Varhi nodded. “The Prince is right, the best thing you can do to make him recover faster is to feed him some proper good food. I mean, it clearly worked for me, after all” He reminded Cyial. “Anyway, I’ll go fishing with you.”
“I… won’t feel comfortable with someone else around...” Cyial tried to reason.
“Do you know how to fish?” Varhi asked.
“I—I know the basics... Though I never fished with my tail before…”
“And how do you plan to do that?” Varhi asked. “Are you going to row the boat by yourself, too? Last I checked, you were struggling just to walk without passing out. Rowing a boat is a far more laborious job than walking.”
Cyial was silent on that, not looking back at Varhi.
“Just let me help. Besides, I’m literally incapable of caring anyway. You couldn’t ask for a better partner!” Varhi said, thumping his chest.
“What, do you know how to fish?” Cyial tried to counter.
“Of course I do! That’s one of the first things I learned in survival training is how to procure food. Rod, net, even spear fishing. Though... I wouldn’t recommend that last one in the ocean.” Varhi said, side glancing towards the large body of water that nearly surrounded them. “I know how to make a fishing rod from scratch, too, but we don’t have a suitable material for a hook. Even the bones from a rabbit or a fish itself could be used to create a makeshift hook, but we don’t have that right now, so your tail as a fishing rod will have to do. Besides, it also has the advantage that you have full motor control over it, but that would also mean you would have to lean your butt over the boat, which would imbalance its weight, so no matter what, you’d need to have someone else in the boat to evenly distribute weight to make sure it doesn’t capsize over and—”
“Alright, I get it–!” Cyial surrendered, throwing his hands up into the air and turning around to face Varhi. “But aren’t you just as incapable of rowing as me?”
“Not at all. See?” Varhi gestured, standing up and giving a couple of preliminary stretches and even jumped up and down a few times. Cyial twisted his expression into both curiosity and concern. “What?” Varhi asked, seeing the incredulous look he was receiving.
“How are you recovered already? Seriously, you were beaten half to death last night as well as beaten nearly entirely to death before even that and then was again beaten and starved nearly entirely to death before even that!” Cyial exclaimed.
“I’m not recovered. It still hurts. It’s just the pain is no longer crippling to the point where I can’t do anything against it.” Varhi tried to clarify. “I’m just enduring it, because sitting around and not moving is very inconvenient, boring and I don’t like it.”
The demon rolled his garnet eyes at that last line. “But even a normal person would need many days of proper bed rest—maybe even weeks before they could even get up again no matter how hard they are 'willing' to move…!” Cyial tried to explain. “Pain isn’t just a mental discomfort. Parts of your body are literally damaged reducing control, Varhi—or they should be given what you went through. They don’t just recover that quickly. Humans are resilient, but also fragile creatures.”
Varhi shrugged non-chalantly. “What can I say? I’m a toughie. It's obvious I can move around. See? Helloooo~” He gestured, raising his right hand up high and waving at Cyial brightly.
“Varhi, I’m being serious...” Cyial grumbled.
“So am I.” Varhi replied as he dropped his arm back down to his side. “You can inspect me if you’d like, but nothing is broken. Just bruised on top of more bruises on top of other bruises. My arm that nearly got snapped in half still hurts, though.” Varhi said, then scrunched his face up. "Heck, even my ass hurts. And it's not from sitting down too much."
“No, really. There’s something different about you...” Cyial insisted.
Varhi paused in thought at that. Was he that different? Or was it just because of what he’s gone through so far that has made him stronger? Again, it’s not that he felt good right now. He could happily go lay down and stuff his face with food to help the healing process until he didn’t hurt anymore, following Cyial’s probably wise advice…
However, that was simply… boring.
Besides, they have work to do and he was tired of laying around while the reality around him descended into even more madness.
“Look. I’ve trained my body to be resilient and I’ve been hurt like this plenty of times before. I’m sure it’s nothing special. Just the fruits of my training combined with my stubborness.” Varhi replied finally.
Cyial looked unconvinced, but dropped the subject with a sigh, turning back towards Sairek. “I’m fine.” Sairek replied before Cyial could even make an utterance with his mouth which opened to speak. “Cyial, I’m okay. Besides, Varhi did make some really good points.” He continued, then lowered his voice, though Varhi leaned in a little closer and could just hear the Prince whisper. “Look, I know you are still upset about what he said to you last night, but he means well, Cyial. Try to remember his position, it’s hard for him to get a good grasp of how others may feel. Besides, we had a good talk last night. He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I’m sure of it.”
Ah. Varhi had actually forgotten about that. Yeah, he should probably apologize, but even if he did, it might come out flat anyways. He supposed an apology was better than no apology, though. However, he would wait until they were alone on the boat for that.
“The worms I found are already in the boat, by the way.” Nayleen said. “I’m gonna go wash my hands. Digging through sand bare-handed sucks. Oh yeah; I also put a canteen of boiled water in there. I boiled some more earlier this morning. I’ll go get some more in a little bit while you guys are out so Sairek and I have something to drink, too.”
“I don’t feel comfortable leaving Sairek alone by himself...” Cyial said, turning to face her.
“I’ll be fine. Worst case scenario, anything that comes up, I can still blast them. I’m not completely tapped out anymore like I was yesterday and neither is the jewel.” Sairek reasoned. “I’ll keep my staff near me just in case. I kind of need it to do more than crawl around, anyway. I can probably even take the tent down while Nayleen is gone. I’ll have nothing else to do to occupy my time.”
“Besides, dehydration is as much of a threat as anyone wandering up.” Nayleen reasoned.
“The tent is easy to take apart. I’m sure you’ll figure it out by yourself.” Varhi said to Sairek. “Separate all the pieces and just put them back in the box. I can organize what part goes where later. It would be a big time save for me that I would appreciate.”
“Sure.” Sairek acknowledged. “I’ll gather some more sticks and stuff nearby as well for another fire tonight.”
“Okay, assuming today goes well, hopefully we will be able to pack up and relocate somewhere better by tomorrow. Is there anything else we’re missing before we all head off to do our tasks?” Nayleen asked.
“Yeah. I really need to pee.” Varhi grunted and began trotting off some distance away.
“We... didn’t... need to know that…” Cyial groaned quietly, pressing a gloved hand against his face, much to the snickering laughing noises Nayleen was making.
* * *
Varhi grunted from the physical labour. His arms were burning with more pain than usual, especially in his biceps as he rowed the boat. They didn’t need to go too far, but too close inland would still reduce their chances of a catch. Also the waves were trying to push them back inland, so it was taking more effort to get out from the shore as he’d like. Though he felt no need for his armor, Cyial insisted that he should wear it to protect his skin from the sun, which he sort of agreed with, but it was also fairly hot and he certainly felt his forehead beading in sweat, especially from the exertion he was putting himself through. Varhi was strong though and despite the waves and his condition, they were still moving relatively quickly. Really, he just believed Cyial said that because he was tired of him streaking in nothing but his boxers, but oh well. The leather armor made it harder to put up with the pain when he moved due to its added weight, but he could handle it if it made Cyial more comfortable.
Cyial held the right side of the boat, facing backwards towards the shore with one hand gripping the rim, sat in one of the seats of the boat. His other hand was clasped over his knee tightly, looking away from Varhi and just looking into the water. From where he sat, Varhi could see his tail occasionally flicking in apprehensive agitation.
“I’m sorry for what I said last night, by the way.” Varhi tried in apology.
Cyial tilted his head slightly, looking at him, but still not turning away from the water. “What?”
“About what I said last night. About you being a demon and Sairek. I didn't quite understand both of your guys' relationship with each other.”
Cyial grunted and exhaled slowly. “Why are you apologizing if you apparently don’t care or have feelings...?” He asked in a weary tone.
“You’re right. 'I don’t care', but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize when I’ve made a mistake or can’t try to be understanding or considerate of other people. I can’t feel emotions, but I’m not heartless, Cyial. I can understand right from wrong—ehh, usually, anyway. For example, I don’t go around killing things, especially people, unless it’s necessary.”
“That’s the problem… You’re not wrong… That’s why I became upset.” Cyial grumbled, looking down into his lap.
“Good isn’t the same as right.” Varhi declared.
“Hmm… Is that something Jimmy told you?” Cyial asked.
“No, that’s something I figured out for myself, but I think I already have done enough ranting to you guys about how I feel about politics, royalty, the justice systems in the world and such already.” Varhi said, then motioned towards Cyial with a nod of his head. “That also includes how most of the world thinks and behaves. All of that said though, people wouldn’t be against it just for no reason. There is a legitimate concern, especially of a demon of your type. You must realize that they don’t know you at all and even you yourself must be concerned how you may behave around Sairek, aren’t you? I don't think you would be going through this if you wasn't.”
“Y-Yes…” Cyial agreed reluctantly. “It becomes a little overwhelming sometimes and after Karvadean, I spent what little energy I had gotten from—from... um...”
“...From what?” Varhi pressed, looking at Cyial, then frowned. “You have fed off of Sairek, haven’t you?”
“I-It was with consent! And I only took a little bit...” Cyial argued defensively, his voice raspy. “A-And the other times Sairek actually asked for it…” He added weakly with a whimper and shook his head. "...Despite that though... I... restrained myself a lot... I barely took anything. It's like dying from dehydration yet only getting a couple drops of water when there's a fountain of fresh water in front of you... It's maddening and really hard to hold back."
“What? Why would he allow that?” Varhi asked, paused, "...He let you do it multiple times?" There must be something he's not understanding.
“H-How should I know–? I was being as clinical and respectful to him about it as possible… He trusts me... and I would never do anything to hurt him as long as I can help it... That's why it's so hard for me.” Cyial grumbled. “Although… I think part of the reason he allowed it was because of my hunger even though I told him not to worry about it… Or... maybe he genuinely wants to know more about that kind of... stuff. My hunger is all too happy to teach but it wants to... do more than what we've been doing.”
Varhi retreated into his thoughts for a moment. He just couldn’t understand, but it was obvious even to him that Sairek and Cyial had a different kind of chemistry going on between them that wasn’t usual, even with just friends. The two were clearly infatuated with one another.
Then again, Varhi didn’t exactly know what that was like either. He could only guess.
“Well, whatever, it’s not important. Not like whatever you two do is any of my business. As long as you don’t force him to do anything.” Varhi said. "Better hope nobody in the kingdom finds out about this though. You could be locked up for that on the spot knowing how 'laws' work. Probably forever, if not outright executed. I guess in that way, we're both fugitives. Except now you'd be wanted in two countries if word got out. I won't say anything, of course."
Cyial squinted his garnet eyes at Varhi. “I haven’t forced him to do anything…” He growled. “Ugh, this is why I didn’t want to be alone with you…”
Varhi blinked in genuine confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t trust me and constantly remind me of what I am… I… don’t want to think or talk about it, but you just keep bringing it up...”
“If I didn’t trust you then I wouldn’t believe you. I simply don’t think it’s healthy to pretend that you are human when you’re not and to starve yourself like this. You can’t fake the truth forever, Cyial. It—You just can’t. The world doesn’t work like that. What you’re doing is dangerous to yourself and that could put Sairek at risk as well.”
“So I should just not be with Sairek at all?”
“I never said that, Cyial...”
“So then what are you saying, Varhi?”
“Wishing for change doesn’t make change happen, Cyial. I wish I could remember my past, but I cannot. So rather than pretending I remember, I’m actively trying to do whatever I think is best so I can remember.”
“Now I don’t understand...” Cyial grumbled.
Varhi tucked the oars in and moved to sit beside Cyial, then boldly grasped his tail in one hand, causing Cyial to yelp and flinch, beginning to stand up and jerk himself away from Varhi, but the other boy raised a hand on his shoulder and pushed Cyial back down rather forcefully as he maneuvered Cyial’s tail in front of them both.
“Stop pretending you’re not this and stop wishing that you’re not this.” Varhi emphasized, holding Cyial’s own tail up to his face. “If you cannot be happy with what you are, then why should anyone else, much less Sairek? Eventually he's going to resent you being a demon because you resent being a demon. Do you know how many people hate who I am, what I am and how I act? Do you think I care?”
“Probably not...”
“Exactly! In Masirean, half of the guard thought I was just an egotistical little delinquent. And heck, they’re probably even right. Usually.”
“But it’s easy for you to say, because you don’t have the same kind of feelings that I do. If you felt emotions, you might not feel and behave that way...” Cyial reasoned defensively.
“Regardless of what I feel or lackthereof, I am what I am, right?” Varhi asked.
“If so, then why are you so attached to your past?” Cyial asked.
“Our past helps shape us, but it doesn’t define who we are now. Home however… home gives us a sense of belonging, of who we are and purpose. For example, your home is why you are interested in medicine in the first place, right? If you were still interested in medicine, but didn't know why, would you not like to know why that is?”
“I—I suppose so…” Cyial conceded.
Varhi nodded. “That is why I want to remember my past—so I can understand who I am, to have the context of why I am the person I am, Cyial. And not just me, but things like who my parents are. Are they dead? Alive? If they're alive, are they waiting for me? Who are they? I don't know these things and the only way I am going to find out is if I try to find out. Until then though, I'll just have to make do with what I’ve got.” Varhi explained, releasing Cyial’s tail. “Besides, it’s obvious Sairek certainly doesn’t care that you’re a demon or specifically, an incubus, and neither does Nayleen. So if you two want to be together, I of course have no problems with it, but it’s going to be hard to convince other people that there’s nothing wrong with it, especially if you both hide your relationship or act like it is wrong anyway. If you think and act like it's wrong, you're going to have a hard time convincing other people. Do you understand what I am saying?”
Cyial thought for a moment. “...Sairek said something kind of similar to me when I first met him… Though, he didn’t even know I was a demon at the time…” Cyial grumbled, but then shook his head. “But… it’s still not the same… How I feed is simply taboo… and what my hunger wants to do now is simply criminal; let alone outright harmful, no matter what my intentions may be...” Cyial grumbled. “Sairek… already nearly experienced that before by other ‘Cubi… and it gave him nightmares for a while that he only got over about a week ago. And then now all of this happened…”
“What happened to think you could just take a little bit?” Varhi asked.
Cyial shook his head. “That is… unsustainable, as you said... as much as I hate to admit it. Even if Sairek felt like ‘being fed from’ multiple times a day... No. By the time I was satiated, he would certainly never look at me the same way again and would resent me…”
“How do you even feed anyway?” Varhi asked with a tilt of his head.
Cyial despite how he was feeling, raised a curious eyebrow at Varhi. “Huh…? I thought you knew, based on how this conversation was going?”
“I know it’s usually against the law and requires physical contact but that’s about it.” Varhi explained.
“...Nevermind, then.” Cyial sighed, turning his head away to look back into the water.
“Hey, don’t dismiss me that quickly!” Varhi pouted.
Cyial rolled his eyes, slowly inhaled, slowly exhaled, then slowly inhaled one last deep breath.
“How I feed is by intimately connecting to the subjects' mind as I teach them the potential joys of sexual pleasure... preferably while performing those acts or guiding them through it physically. Specifically, it is while they are performing them which if it's their first time experimenting with whatever I am teaching them, the surprise factor and inexperience is especially... rich, to me.
When they are distracted with that pleasure when doing it physically, experiencing such sensations for the first time, it allows me to not only enhance their experience but feed off of their pleasure and a sum of their life energy which in turn is sustenance for me but also helps silence the alter ego inside of my head ,and for the record touching doesn't even have to be involved though the deeper the intimacy the more sustenance I can acquire due to a more vivid and deeper connection to their consciousness.”
“Um…” Varhi blinked. “C-Could you repeat that again?”
“I refuse.” Cyial huffed.
“...Hey, that’s my line!” Varhi protested.
“The answer is no.”
“I’ll ask Sairek then.” Varhi sniffed.
“W-What!” Cyial exclaimed. “You can’t ask him that!”
“Why not?”
Cyial was silent for a moment. He had no real reason. “C-Can’t we just fish already!?”
Varhi turned himself slightly in his seat to face Cyial directly, crossing his arms over his torso patiently.
“Grrr…” Cyial growled. “Fine, to sum it up, I connect to people’s minds when they... do things... like masturbating, and I am teaching them, or whatever, and during the peak of their climatic pleasure which makes their minds specifically vulnerable at that point of time, I can feed off of their pleasure and energy... okay!?” He tried explaining again, his composure clearly evaporated at this point in both frustration and embarrassment.
Varhi blinked. “What’s ‘masturbate’?”
Cyial buried his face into both of his hands and let out a loud, long, muffled groan. "I hate this..."
* * *
“Oh, so that’s what it is…!” Varhi nodded and glanced down at his lap for a moment. “I thought the whole 'sex' thing was just a ritual you guys did as you hypnotized your target to bite into them or something like that... How do you connect to people’s minds, exactly?”
Now a bit red-faced, Cyial pulled his face from within his hands. “It’s not exactly ‘me’ who does it, it’s my alter ego. That part is second nature… and it’s a bit different than how it’s usually done with magic…” Cyial grumbled. “I don’t know how to describe it. It’s just natural for me, like how swallowing is; and you know how hard it is to try to resist swallowing food you’ve been chewing on for a while that’s ready to go down your throat. It’s almost exactly like that… Getting them to do things and teaching them is chewing on my food. Taking the life essence is swallowing.”
“Is it really that taboo?” Varhi asked. “If it’s consensual and no harm is being done, and well, you are both of similar ages. The only real difference between you two is the racial and title status. And I guess being the same gender, depending on who asks.”
“Well… we are still really young… and I’m more than confident Sairek wouldn’t want to go ‘all the way’. Even I’m not ready for that; but my hunger is more than ready… and I don't know if it would stay consensual because it wants to do... a lot. Forcefully. Honestly, I don’t even know if Sairek actually likes other boys or what his stance on all of that is. I never asked. The only reason we are even in a relationship at all may only be because I made a blunder during his meditation lesson and accidentally let my thoughts about him spill into his consciousness.”
“What does ‘all the way’ entail, exactly?” Varhi asked with a tilt of his head.
“I... don’t know. I try not to think about it. If I do, it gets harder to… to resist the temptation if I entertain the possibilities of such thoughts…” Cyial mumbled, wrapping his arms around his front tightly. “Besides, it’s not like we’re in a position to do that right now anyway… Sairek is recovering but he’s still weak and I don’t want to take what little energy he has. And I’m still angry that he got shot twice. Sairek has protected me enough already, but I can't do anything for him in return... I've been nothing but a burden most of the time...”
Varhi tilted his head to the side a little. “Hmm... I think I’m starting to realize something. For someone who keeps criticizing me for doing very little to take care of myself, you’re quite the hypocrite, aren’t you?” Varhi replied dryly.
“W-What?” Cyial stammered, caught off guard by Varhi's sudden accusation.
"You care so much about others, or care so little about yourself, that you put everyone else first before yourself." Varhi accused.
"I-It's not that easy for me..." Cyial mumbled defensively.
“Hello—? As if me being a mercenary is any damn easier! You experienced the bullshit I go through!” Varhi exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Listen; you say Sairek trusts you, yeah? Yet from what I’ve heard so far, you are constantly providing half-truths to him and keeping things hidden from him; and not just him, but Nayleen as well about your current condition and hunger! You're telling Sairek that you're okay, that you're doing fine or at least not as bad as it actually is, and it's just not the case! You are massively abusing Sairek's trust in you, Cyial. And Nayleen's too, for that matter."
"B-But I..."
"If something does happen Cyial, if that lapse on your 'alter ego' or whatever happens and he's not ready for it, Sairek is going to feel massively betrayed, and Nayleen will have doubts for anything you say for who knows how long? And considering what you mentioned to Sairek about what other "'Cubi" nearly did, how do you think that'll feel to him, Cyial? You need to be honest to both him and yourself."
Cyial winced at that, informing Varhi that he struck hard with that one.
“Here, I’ll do you a favor tonight as part of my apology; I’ll let you and Sairek have the tent and I’ll bring Nayleen and myself somewhere away from camp for a talk. That’ll give you some private alone time with Sairek.”
“Are… you advocating that I feed off of the Prince of Ceareste?” Cyial asked dryly.
Cyial flinched as Varhi reached over and bopped his fist firmly on top of his head. “No you dolt. Again, what you two do is both of your business and none of mine, but I want you to at least tell the truth to him. He trusts you, and yet you’re telling me that you’re on the verge of losing your sanity around him to the point that you are starting to find excuses to avoid him. Your best friend—your boyfriend deserves to know the truth. What he decides to do with that information should be up to him to decide as well. If he gives you permission, then whatever. If he sets boundaries, respect them. But at least let him know that you are on the brink and have a serious discussion about it. If all else fails and you're that desperate, use me, because I have zero idea about this sexual stuff. Reproductive organs and shit was not in any of the books I studied about when it came to the body.”
“If no one else is around him with me than I might actually lose control… having other people around keeps ‘The Beast’ inside of me at least somewhat in check…” Cyial grumbled as he rubbed the top of his head where Varhi thumped him.
“Then do what I do when I am unsure if I can't make ends meet.” Varhi said, holding his left hand out. “Promise me you will do this, and that you won’t lose control.”
“How is making a promise like that going to help…?” Cyial asked quietly with a sad, mirthful chuckle.
Varhi wagged his arm up and down for emphasis. “Promise meeeeee~”
Cyial rolled his eyes, then reached his hand out to interlace with Varhi’s hand, who in turn held on back. “F-Fine. I… I promise you that I will tell Sairek the… the truth about my hunger tonight… and that I will not let my hunger lose control either...” He grumbled. “Is… Is that satisfactory for you?”
"Did you mean it when you said that?" Varhi questioned, unconvinced.
Cyial frowned and inhaled a deep breath. "...I promise you that I will tell Sairek the truth about my hunger tonight and that I will not let my hunger lose control either." He repeated again with far more conviction in his voice.
Varhi made Cyial shake his hand on it, then released his grip on Cyial’s hands. “There. You promised, so you have to do it now!”
“Yeah, yeah…”
“Now, let’s fish! I’ve been starving since this morning! C’mere!”
Cyial yelped and cried out in surprise as Varhi grabbed hold of him. “H-Hey! Don’t just manhandle my tail like that—!”
Varhi let go of Cyial, hands held up in surrender. “Alright, if you insist on doing it by yourself.”
Cyial was a bit surprised Varhi actually relinquished his grip on him. “I—I do!”
“Go on, then.” Varhi insisted, moving back to the opposite bench of Cyial where he had been initially sitting. Cyial paused, looking at him, then back at his tail, a frown forming on his face.
“Umm…” Cyial hummed in uncertainty.
“Hook a worm onto your tail, yes?” Varhi told him.
“Ah… r-right…” Cyial stammered, reaching over in the boat to grab one of their six worms for bait. He held it in his gloved hand, his face a little pale. He motioned his own tail in front of him onto his lap, gripping the tail with one hand and the worm within his fingers on the other. Both were shaking slightly. The demon glanced up at Varhi, who was watching silently. Slowly, Cyial began to put the worm into his tail by more or less stabbing at it with his spade.
“Oi, what are you doing?” Varhi frowned. “You’re supposed to hook the thing, not spear it.”
“Well how else am I supposed to put it on?!” Cyial cried out, bashful.
Varhi raised an eyebrow at him. “You said you know the basics. You didn’t happen to learn the basics only last night through that magic book of yours… did you?”
Cyial’s face flushed slightly with more color as he looked at Varhi. “O-Of course not…!”
Varhi stared at him intently.
Cyial broke into a nervous sweat.
“You’re not a very creative liar, you know.” Varhi grumbled, drumming the fingers of his left hand on the seat of the bench as he shook his head. "Well, I guess I did only promise you to not lie to Sairek. Shoot. I should have been more specific!"
Cyial scowled at him a little at being found out so easily.
Man, this was going to be a long fishing trip…
* * *
“How many, how many–?” Nayleen shouted as she jogged up to them eagerly.
Varhi glanced towards Cyial, who merely looked away from him. Varhi frowned, then dug into the boat to hold up a single small carp. “Sorry.” Was all he could manage in apology from her expected disappointment.
“E-Eh…? Only one one fish? What happened–?” Nayleen asked.
“Using a tail for a fishing rod seems to not be as good as we’d have liked.” Varhi explained as Cyial began to merely walk off, his face still looking pale. Varhi allowed him to go and return to Sairek before Varhi walked closer to Nayleen himself to explain in more hushed tones. “Aside from Cyial not feeling as well as he’s letting on, every time a fish bit him on the tail he would yelp, jump up, and lose the fish… and nearly knock the boat into the water in the process. Also, it’s much harder to actually hook a fish with his tail than with an actual… y’know, hook.”
“Aww, man.” Nayleen wilted, clearly disappointed as she looked down at the fish. “I don’t know if that’s going to feed all four of us for the entire day.”
“It won’t, but the important thing is that we got one. We can do a lot with this little fish.” Varhi reminded her with a nod as he held up the fish by the tail to give her a good look at it. “Once we skin and fillet it, we can use its bones and I can make a hook out of that. Then with a good sturdy branch and using a little bit of the rope's twine, we can make a fishing rod. If we dig for more worms before they sink back fully into the soil we can probably do better tomorrow and won’t need to bring Cyial along either. I could even do it solo myself. I'm sitting around all day anyway. May as well sit on a boat and get something done. Besides, I've done this very exact same thing a few times before for practice, thanks to Jimmy's coaching.”
Nayleen held up her hands. “Guess that’s what we’ll do then. Are you sure you’re alright though? You look a bit red and sweaty...” She asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
“It’s hot today and I had to wear my armor to appease Cyial since he doesn’t seem to appreciate my body like you do,” Varhi commented in jest, earning an amused smile from Nayleen, “...and then having to do all of that rowing…” Varhi finished seriously with a frown.
“You can lie down if you need to.” Nayleen said.
“Nah, I’ll be fine. I’ll be even better as soon as I get some of this fish in my tummy.” Varhi replied, patting the mid section of his stomach region with his left hand. “I’ve gotten used to not eating worms again. I’d rather not have to go back to that.”
Nayleen gave him a grin. “I’ll do my best. I’m no stranger to cooking fish over a campfire.”
“Are you sure you don’t need help with skinning it? Varhi asked. “I’m no cook and knives aren’t my style, but that doesn’t mean I suck with them."
“Nah, I got this.” Nayleen said. “Go take a rest for now.”
“Alright, in that case, I’m going to be just over that cliff, that way.” Varhi said, pointing in the direction he had dragged Sairek towards last night.
“Huh? Why over there?” Nayleen questioned.
“It has a better view than here. Besides, I think Cyial would like being away from me right now.” Varhi said, giving a nudge of his head towards both Cyial and Sairek, the Prince was giving the young incubus a hug right now.
“Did… something happen?” Nayleen asked, concern etched in her voice.
Varhi shook his head. “No, no. Nothing like that. Cyial is just... going through a lot right now. Part of my job as a mercenary requires me being perceptive, reading people and the like and I could see through him that he wasn’t being entirely truthful about how he was doing. He's not nearly as good at hiding how he's feeling like Sairek is. Anyway, I confronted him about it to learn what’s going on. It should be him to tell you though, not me. All I will say is that he needs Sairek’s support right now, is all. Really, the two need each other. He’ll be fine. Just give them some time and space for tonight and let him take it easy tomorrow to give him time to sort his thoughts out and work the courage up to tell you himself.”
Nayleen was quiet for a moment, looking at the pair of boys near the still unlit campfire before looking back to Varhi, where she gave a slow nod. “If you insist. I wish he would trust me to help him out too, but those two are on an entirely different wavelength.”
“I’ve noticed.” Varhi smiled slightly. “Anyway, please don’t forget to grab me when the fish is done. Rowing works up an appetite.”
“Seems like that may be the only thing we’re eating today…” Nayleen grumbled. “Sairek still isn’t well enough to cook the crab and it’s kinda going bad now... and I grabbed all the cattails on the first trip, so there's nothing left there.”
“A shame, but we’ll do better tomorrow.” Varhi said, handing Nayleen the fish and then turning to walk away, giving her a wave of departure with the back of his hand as walked up the cliff he had done during midnight when he was carrying Sairek, a much easier task now that his body was in less pain and he wasn’t carrying an entire person as luggage anymore.
Yet all that Varhi could think in his head was that emotions were apparently extremely complicated and he was left wondering if being able to look past them and look at the simplicity of everything clearly due to his lack of them—more or less, was really a bad thing or not after all. It sure made his job as a mercenary a lot easier. Perhaps that was a scary thought, but other peoples’ emotions were really making this survival thing a lot harder right now. It was making Sairek and Cyial less of an asset as they could be. For Sairek, he was, very understandably, worried about the future along with the consequences of his actions and his mind couldn’t concentrate on the current situation. As for Cyial, his hunger was just outright weakening him, but the trauma that came from that was leaving him depressed and while Varhi knew he couldn’t feel emotions, he still had memory of what they were as well as reading up on them to get a better technical definitional understanding, or whatever material was around in psychology books on them anyway, and people who were depressed could do arrange of things from not wanting to do anything to being outright suicidal.
Yeah, not being able to 'eat' because it was more or less a "crime" to do so and the only available “victims” were your dear friends and having to struggle everyday to not lose control of yourself against them was a pretty good reason to be extremely unhappy right now and lose the will and drive to do much of anything.
Well, he promised Cyial he would leave him and Sairek alone and grant him an “opportunity” to be alone with the Prince, so as Varhi sat at the same cliff edge as last time, he merely leaned backwards against the ground as his legs dangled off the rock, interlacing his hands behind his head as he closed his eyes to go for a nap. Nothing better to do now than wait for his plan to come into action and for Nayleen to come get him. Though only a moment passed as a troubling thought entered his mind…
Was he… manipulating her? Why didn’t he just ask her to speak in private directly?
He supposed he should have felt guilty, but he shook his head to wiggle the thought outside. It was fine. It’s not like his intentions were malicious anyway. This was just easier… right? Yeah. Besides, it's not like he couldn't just ask for a chat when she came to fetch her still, anyway. But the only reason he chose to sit here in this spot again was to drag her away from their campsite.
Hmm...
“Weird time to start growing a conscience, Varhi…” he mumbled to himself as he began to doze off.
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